You did what with who for how many cookies?
by Avalon's Minstrel
Summary: Exploring the Fellowship's adventures throughout the trilogy, with the addition of random fangirls--and two guys--popping in as elves, men, and even a leprechaun! WARNING: This is a major parody and littered with Mary-sues; read at your own risk!
1. How it all started

A/N: HIYA PEOPLES!!!!!!!!!! *Ica bashes Kristen down with Gandalf's staff* this is not a MARY SUE!!! If you even think of flaming us because of that, I will hunt you down and chop off your head with Gimli's axe!!!! * Heavy breathing * the same goes for you twits that don't review! No reviews NO STORY! Geez basically follows movie/story verse with us screwing around in it (get your minds out of the gutter!!!) enjoy and as always R+R (or else *malicious grin*)

[Morgaine: hey, this is our revised version of the story, You Did What With Who For How Many Cookies?, hopefully with better grammar, longer paragraphs and a better less confusing plot. As Avalon's Minstrel and I (Morgane LeFaye) were newbies to fan fic when we wrote this, we tried to make this un-Mary sue, but ended up making it one of the most Mary-sueish pieces on the net. Well, there's your warning on Mary-sue content, and if you've read our flames, you'll see everyone's previous opinion of our story. Here is my attempt to fix some of the story, and turn this Mary-sue nightmare into just a normal Mary-sue. Enjoy, or flame, as I'm quite used to it, and it'll point out how badly I'm still writing.]

  
  
**Prologue  
  
**

_It was a normal day in a normal city with the strange and wacky ELC class of 815. They are about to enter a world where they are loved by a scarce few, but mostly, everyone hates them with a fiery passion. . ._

  
"And now class, add 1 and ONLY one drop of concentrated acid to the baking soda mixture." Mrs.Dockeray said. 

Two clowns, Jamie and Matt started dumping the formula into Morgan and Erica's mixture. The two girls, both exquisitely pretty in the way that all Mary-sues must be, were shocked and appalled. Pam and Steph (the comic relief in this story, or 'almost-Mary-sues-but-not-quite') leaned over to see what was going on. 

"OOO pretty colours," Pam remarked. Then, Steph, the ever-practical one, and the brains in the class, stated in all of her vast intelligence;

"Dude, it's bubbling."

  
            As everyone leaned in to get a look at the strange stuff, something completely and totally cliché happened. . . 

            It exploded. 

            So did the school.

            Kaboom.

A/N aright, here's chapter one and I hope u like it. Ica wrote this, I'm just posting it cuz she's lazy. (Heh heh) we're using CANADIAN spelling not that crap you Americans call language (kidding! Calm. HEY! U! PUT THAT DAGGER DOWN!) I really like the words "oy" "oy vey" and "bloody hell" if that offends anyone let me know and we'll stop. Rated for language and possible stuff later on. Enjoy kiddies!

[Morgaine: I'm leaving in the original authors notes, merely as a guide to show the progression, (or lack thereof) in our writing, and the differences. I hope that was a tad more enjoyable than the original, and had more body to it. Please check back for more. (_Damn black out, knocked out my ISP, can't upload)*twitch**twitch*]_


	2. Appearing now in middleearth: us!

**Chapter One**

  
[Morgaine: Here is our first chapter, originally it was very broken, and very hard to read, but hopefully I've rectified this . . .]

It was a nice, calm peaceful, and all that other Disney-stuff kind of day. The land out side of Rivendell was tranquil, until THEY woke up…

"*groan* Mommy? Why is an elephant sitting on me?" Erica murmured groggily as she tried to get off the forest floor.

"Jamie! Get your fat ass off Erica!" Morgan yelled, sitting up. She gingerly poked a bruise on her arm, but it disappeared in an instant. "Weird…"

 "Ha-ha, Jamie has a fat ass," Matt teased in a childish voice. Erica grinned and shoved Jamie over onto Matt. "Hey!" they both chorused at the same time. 

"Okay, what are we gonna do, what are we gonna do, what are we gonna do!" Pam said, looking about in panic.

 "The question is where are we?" Steph asked sagely. She scratched her ear, and suddenly screeched. 

"What what what???" Matt said, looking about in panic.

 "I have pointy ears!!!" Steph wailed, then crossed her arms and sulked. Having something blow up in your face, then land somewhere strange, AND find out you have crazed ears isn't making for a happy girl.

"Yeah, well look at Pam," Jamie said, laughing hysterically. "She's a leprechaun!!" everyone's eyes traveled from the glaring Steph to the suddenly red haired, short, green clad Pam. Who then proceeded to get mad and magically pulled out a golden pot and bashed Jamie on the head.

"Dude, SWEET!" Pam exclaimed, grinning happily at her pot. "I have a POT!" 

"Actually, I think it's more of a cauldron really;" Erica stated, tilting her head, revealing that she, too, had pointy ears.

"Well, Miss. Pointy-ears, which one of us is the leprechaun eh? I AM! And **_I_ say it's a Pot!" Pam nodded her head and crossed her arms, allowing her pot to vanish in all its leprechaun magic. Erica gave up, as leprechauns are notoriously testy. **

After a while of scrutinizing each other carefully, the six 'friends' determined that Erica, Morgan, and Steph were Elves, Pam was a leprechaun, and Jamie and Matt were from the arrogant and always annoying race of Men. 

"Well you really blew us up good, Matt," Erica muttered darkly.

 "Oy! It wasn't me, it was Jamie!" Matt pointed at his friend, who was circling trees looking for moss. 

"As if! You just don't want to look bad Mr.Smittin." Jamie sneered back. As he had found no moss, he was rather put out. Pam brandished her golden pot and said threateningly;

 "Stop it you guys or I'll bash you back to school, where you definitely do not want to be after BLOWING IT UP!" She made the crazy eyes at them and they backed down. The Men grunted and snorted in their usual style before Jamie asked;

 "Okay where are we then? Or when are we? Or...AHHH!!" Suddenly an arrow was at his temple, and bowstrings were drawn tight with bows pointing at all the teenagers. A small group of scruffy-looking elves came out of the bushes. When their gaze fell upon Erica, they suddenly snapped to attention. 

"Lady Arweniel! What in Moria are you doing out here! And with this band of...well, frankly, you look like you've been in some dangerous fire." the leader said to Erica. 

"Me?" Erica asked, and then she realized; (in the sudden clarity that the author has granted her) that for some reason these Elves thought she was an Elven Lady. "Why, I was simply taking a walk, and I met these people. They are my friends." She summoned up what she thought was a regal smile, but as she was thoroughly singed, it looked very shaky.

"Yes, of course, my Lady. I was simply shocked at your appearance. We will escort you and your...friends back to Rivendell, where you can get washed up. I'm sure your father, Lord Elrond, is worried," the patrol's leader said. With that, the blown-up kids were led off through a beautiful, disneyesque forest and into the stunning elven city of Rivendell.

[Morgaine: well, that's a bit better no? I'm rather enjoying re-writing this, and I hope you guys are enjo-

*poof* *Pam appears*

Pam: interesting fact of the chapter, what I actually am in this chapter is a Sidhe, and Irish myth-like creature. So you best be giving me the respect I deserve author lady!

Morgaine: *blink* are you allowed to interrupt author notes?

Pam: You bet your last Molson on it!

Morgaine: . too much time away from ff.net…]


	3. And they're off!

Chapter Three 

A/N ok, I've decided to be really nice and put out another chapter. *Listens to cheering applause* alright, this is going to be written from Jamie's point of view then it will switch to Erica and Morgan's. Enjoy. All suggestions are welcome and will be read. I'm going to put a mention to each person who reviews at the bottom (hint hint). Onward!  
  
  
*~* Jamie's POV *~*  
  
            I was at snow jam , playing my new song, the fans were cheering Mark, Tom, and Travis were right beside me jamming to the music when something hit my head awfully hard accompanied by, "Get out of bed you lazy kauhead!" I woke up to Morgan's face peering over mine. "HOLY SH~" I was interrupted by Matt receiving the same wake up call.

"OW! YOU CRAZY BITCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Matt yelled, rubbing his head.

"To wake you up. We're leaving." Then she slapped him. 

"What was that for?" 

"For calling me a bitch you screw ball." She shoved to us a couple of pairs of clothes and left. 

"Thank god." 

"I heard that!" she screeched as a vase flew towards my head. I ducked and decided that closing the door would be a very good idea.  
  
*~* Morgan's POV *~*  
  
            'S_ass hole',_ I thought to myself as I put on my cloak. 

"Hey" I said to Erica- er - Arwen damn this is hard. 

"Hi, did you get Jamie and Matt up?" 

"Yup" I walked over to Pam "Here's your pot, thanks." 

"No prob why did you need it?" 

" I...err. I gotta go" I ran past her to the hobbits. 

"Did you have a nice sleep Nuavar?" Pippin asked pleasantly. I smiled; Pippin was so cute in the morning, actually they all were. 

"Yes pippin I did, and you? Did all of you have a nice night?" The hobbits nodded but Frodo looked worried. "Frodo, can I speak with you?" 

"Sure." We went over to a corner. 

"What's wrong Frodo?" 

"Nothing." 

"Don't try to lie to me you're not very good at it." I said, gracing him with a smile (it's a miracle if you get one of those out of me in the morning) 

"I'm worried that someone will die and that it will be my fault." 

"Frodo, we all knew the risks of joining this task when we agreed to help you, not only is my life given to you, but my council if you should ever need it." I said, surprised at the conviction I put in. 

"Thank you" 

"What ever for Frodo?" He smiled, a warm smile, which seemed as if it had not been there for quite some time. 

"For being someone I can talk to." I smiled and put my arm around his shoulders as we headed towards the group.  
  
*~* Normal point of view *~*  
  
            Nuavar and Frodo walked back towards the group. Arwen and Tara (Tarabrethiel a.k.a Steph) smiled at her. "What?" she said raising her eyebrow. 

"We heard that." Tara replied. 

"How?" 

"Elven hearing, duh," Erica teased. 

"Oh yeah." They all laughed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Legolas smile.

"Alright we're here," Jamie announced. He and Matt were glaring at Nuavar. 

"Why are you glaring at me?" 

"You hit us over the head with a pot and screeched in our ears to get us up!" Matt exclaimed pointing a finger at her. The rest of the fellowship (Morgan: hello????? *glare*) er.. personship winced in compassion. Nuavar merely grinned in response. 

"Not my fault you two are kauheads." They glared at her. She grinned even wider and skipped past them, starting out on the path. The girls and hobbits followed and the rest of the personship (Morgan: much better *grin*) soon after that.


	4. Stuff!

Chapter Four 

A/N Morgaine here, writing yet another chapter since I got reviews *grins widely* right now its *looks at clock* 2:39am ET you better damn well like this and review. I swear I'll get child-of-the-light to start writing some chapters again I'm just having so much fun. *hugs reviewers* you don't know how much I loved seeing that we had reviews. I'll get to the story now, enjoy!  
  
           "And then she said something about double entendres." Pippin was reviewing last night's conversation to Pam and Tara. 

"Wha? Small? I dun get... oh. ooooooo!!!! Hahaha!!!" Pam started cracking up, and everyone looked at her. 

"I'm afraid he's in the same boat as Jamie, they've both pissed her off and she's not likely to forget for a long time," Tara said, whilst twirling a strand of dirty-blond hair in her fingers. "Damn elf hair, wish I could cut it." Tara glared at her hair accusingly. 

"Tara, you're glaring at your hair," Arwen pointed out. 

"So?" 

"You're supposed to be the sane one." 

"Oh yeah." Arwen and Pam rolled their eyes as they sat down near the rest of the personship. 

"I still say that they should not have come on this quest," Legolas said, very quietly. 

"I agree but there is nothing we can do now," Aragorn replied just as quietly. Nuavar could have overheard them if she had not been playing hide and seek with the hobbits. Boromir looked to the sky. 

"What is that?" Gimli and Legolas looked up.

"'Tis nothing merely a whisp of cloud," the dwarf sniffed. He looked at Boromir as though the man was commenting that the grass was green.

"No! Tis Cerebrain, from Dunland!" Legolas cried in alarm. Lucky the elf knew his evil creatures, because everyone from Earth, who could have noticed from reading the books, were occupied by various stupid things. Everyone ran and hid.  
  
Nuavar came out first once they had gone. She walked up to Legolas and slapped him.

"What did you do that for?" He asked, obviously surprised.

"I know that you could have seen them way before Boromir could have, so why didn't you warn us then? Would it kill you to be anti-dramatic sometimes?" she shot back. Legolas opened his mouth, as though he was going to say something but he decided he would like to keep all his limbs. 

"Correct me if I am wrong elf," Gimli said in an tone which indicated that he hardly ever was, "but could you have not seen it as well?" Nuavar glared at him 

"Quiet little man." 

"I will not take orders from an elf, a she-elf at that!" Gandalf sighed; will they ever learn? 

"Oh! So you want to make something of it, little man? Come on over I'll kick your ass any day!" Nuavar put her fists up in an Ali boxer type style. Gimli laughed until he was knocked over by her right fist connecting with his face. He looked at her stunned. Then he laughed and said,

"Not a lady elf, but a warrior, and one with spirit! You would have made a good dwarf!" She grinned and helped him up. 

"You know, I like you a whole lot better than some men and a certain elf I know." She pointedly glared at Legolas and the men. The hobbits and Gandalf, realizing she was in a good mood now, decided it was time to move on. After a bit of lunch, of course.  
  
           '_Great', _all the girls thought_. 'Carhadras.'_ They had read the book and seen the movie and knew what was to come. 

"I don't particularly wanna go up that mountain," Arwen grumbled, looking down at her T-shirt and shorts. 

"Do you want to risk the alternative?" Nuavar asked, glaring a softened version of her don't disagree with me look. 

"I guess not," Arwen said. '_It's better to stick to the story line,'_ the girls thought simultaneously. And so they started up Carhadras.  
  
A/N : Last time I checked I had 4 reviews so here are your mentions *hugs reviewers again* alrighty:  
  
ElFgIrL: thnx so much! Glad you think its funny and I agree there are too little fics that dis Legolas. This was for you!  
  
Steph: you really should have left your name and email, lol. Thnx I dunno how to fix that but meh. Check back and good luck with your WoT fic!  
  
Popkie: crazy James, good ol' Popkie lol. I think I will make you into gollum thnx for the suggestion.  
  
Starbrat: as our first reviewer I would like to give you the longest mention but that's kinda hard seeing as though you didn't leave a question. But I hope you check back and tell us how we're doing and what'ya know? You do have the longest mention! Ha!  
  
Keep kool, toodles and peace out. *~* Morgaine *~*


	5. a angry Arwen, swords and aragorn don't ...

A/N: Hey it's Erica (child-of-the-light)! I finally got up off my butt and write a chapter! Morgan you can go to sleep now. Yay, I love all the reviews we got so far, can't wait for more!!! Anyway I'll stop talking about nothingness and get to the story!

            "Here, Arweniel, you might want to change into these. They are warmer traveling clothes than what you are wearing." Aragorn said scornfully as he handed Erica breeches and a cotton shirt.

            "Thanks. I think. You know, you can just call me Arwen like everyone else. It's too formal when you say Arweniel," Erica/Arwen said.

            "I like to be different," was all the Ranger would say. _Why did I just say that? It's not as if I like her or anything! She's just another stuck-up elven Lady, he thought to himself._

            "Before we embark up yon mountain it would be a good idea to have a long, refreshing break," Gandalf announced once we reached the foothills. Immediately Jamie and Matt collapsed out of exhaustion. For some strange reason, they were talking about starting a band.

            "Break out the swords!" Boromir told the hobbits and Erica. They all took out the fine elven swords that they had been given by Elrond. Aragorn and Boromir began demonstrating some moves, and the five pupils caught on quickly.

            "Arwen, you are a natural!" Boromir announced half an hour later as I sparred with Aragorn, who grunted angrily and pushed harder.

            "Okay, Nuavar. Neither of us like this, but just deal with it, okay?" Legolas instructed Morgan. He was teaching her archery. According to Gandalf, all of the....personship should have some sort of weapon skill.

            "Just teach me how to shoot the damn thing and I'll go practice on my own, Leggy," Nuavar retorted.

            "What did you just call me?" Legolas was taken aback by these elves' fiery personalities. _Come on, Legolas, just teach her to shoot the thing. She said herself, then she'll leave you alone, he argued. __But do I want her to leave me alone?_

_            "First of all, you need to learn an archer's stance..."_

            "I feel that you wish you had something to do," Gandalf said quietly to Steph and Pam, who were watching the instruction going on.

            "I do," Steph/Tara answered wistfully.

            "Well, I have been looking for a wizard apprentice," the old grey man told her.

            "Hey, you can't do that! What about me?" Pam blurted angrily.

            "I have a special gift for you. This dagger has magical properties. It can cut through anything, regardless of how small the blade is."

            "Thank you, Gandalf!" Pam exclaimed as she sheathed the dagger and hugged the wizard happily.

            "Tara, come with me. I will teach you some spell-casting skills." with that, the wizard and elf walked off.

            "Haha! That is amazing!" Boromir boomed. Erica was showing off her newfound skills with a sword. Aragorn sat sulkily nearby. Suddenly he rose.

            "Elven Lady. You seem so sure of your skills. Would you challenge a Ranger?"

            "It depends on the challenge. Well, actually, yes, I would!" Arwen announced confidently.

            "Have it your way. Legolas!" Aragorn motioned to Legolas and spoke privately with him for a moment. By the time they separated, all the personship was watching intently to see the first clash of wills between the Ranger and fiery elf. Aragorn drew his sword and Legolas cocked his bow. Then, the elf shot straight at Aragorn. Everyone except Erica gasped; she was too busy watching intently. The arrow shot straight for Aragorn's chest. At the last possible moment, his sword flashed up and with a metallic clang, the arrow was knocked harmlessly away. Aragorn turned and smiled triumphantly at Arwen, who already had her sword drawn, and was motioning to Morgan.

            "Eri—Arwen, are you crazy! We've both only started using these weapons! You could be killed!"

            "Yes, you could be killed," Aragorn said with a sly smile. Erica shoved him out of the way and took up a combat stance.

            "When you're ready, Nuavar!" she yelled. Morgan took a deep breath, aimed her bow, and fired. The steel-tipped arrow sped for Erica. She raised her sword, and the two weapons barely came together. As it was, Arwen's sword only hit the tip of the arrow, deflecting it to graze her shoulder deeply. She gasped in pain and sunk to the ground.

            Surprisingly, Aragorn was the first by her side.

            "Hold on Arwen, you're going to be okay," he said soothingly.

            "You called me Arwen, you scruffy sword-man," Erica teased before she slipped into unconsciousness.


	6. she was thinking WHAT!

A/N: okies me bak its morgaine here to write yet another chapter!!!!! 2 days and we have 5 reviews, that's really kewl. *cough* I really appreciate that child o' light let me sleep. Here is a little thing about what morgan was thinking while legolas was teaching her how to shoot. This should tide you over until child o' light puts up #7. enjoy!  
  
Great. I get to learn archery with mr. Herbal essences. Sigh. Nothing for it I suppose. "Ok Nuavar. Neither of us like this, but just deal with it, okay?" Legolas instructed Morgan. He was teaching her archery. According to Gandalf, all of the....personship should have some sort of weapon skill. "Just teach me how to shoot the damn thing and I'll go practice on my own, Leggy," I retorted. "What did you just call me?" Legolas was taken aback by these elves' fiery personalities. He shock his head. "First of all, you need to learn an archer's stance..." A while later Nuavar was fed up with this. She could hit her target more or less in the bull's eye and it still wasn't good enough. She growled under her breath and mumbled "maybe it's the target why don't you stand up against the tree and let's see if I can hit you." "now now, Nuavar, you should keep that temper in check." She looked at him with an exasperated glare. She opened her mouth to say something when BOOM! A bunch of coloured lights went off and they heard Tara shout "ha! I can set off a firecracker!" Nuavar shook her head and chuckled. Then legolas tried correcting her posture. "elbow straight and feet squared...." he went on and on but Nuavar really couldn't hear him. ' hey he's got mucles and hes tall and those eyes.. WHAT! This is legolas! He egotistical dumbbell! Focus on the arrow.. Back stretched yes ... mmm his chest is right at my back he feels warm..O shit! Not that focus...' she growled at the unfairness of it all and took her anger out on the tree. Perfect bull's eye. "wow I've never seen an arrow go that deep you must have been pretty focused." She snorted and walked over to where Arwen and boromir were. She heard the challenge and warned Arwen that she could get hurt but Arwen wouldn't have it. she shot.  
  
A/N: the ending to that was in the last chapter. Yavanna: thnx I'd change it if I wasn't busy and I think we will when we're a bit farther along in the story. Keep reviewing! 


	7. ooo, we never saw that coming!

A/N: Well the almighty Erica has decided to write another chapter. I grace you with my presence. lol. whatever, read it. AND REVIEW IT!!!!!!

            Arwen slowly opened her eyes and groaned as the pain in her right shoulder flared.

            "Hey, she's awake!" came Nuavar's voice. "You okay, Arwen?"

            "No." Morgan helped Erica up and Aragorn headed over.

            "Ooo, here comes your man. You know, he was worried sick for the last few days," Nuavar said quietly and walked away.

            "Arweniel, I am so sorry. I should never have challenged you." Aragorn said. His face was creased with worry.

            "No, it was my fault that I accepted. But...." Arwen slapped him.

            "Ow! What was that for?"

            "Well you did say that it was your fault, and because you called me Arwen when you said you wouldn't, and..." Erica trailed off as Aragorn's face came closer to hers.

            "You don't like it when I call you that?" he asked playfully. I blushed and began to explain.

            "Well no, I mean, I do like it, but it's just that when...." he interrupted me by gently brushing my lips with his. I stared astonishingly into his eyes and tried to say something but he kissed me again. Then, abruptly, he stood up and said, "I dearly hope you feel better soon, _Arweniel." I smiled as he walked away._

            "Do you think you feel well enough to head out?" Frodo asked gently later that day. Everyone was sitting around a fire.

            "Yes, I'm feeling much better. Thank you for letting me use some of your wolf bane plant. It really helped the pain."

            "Glad to help, Lady Arwen."

            "So, _Arwen, you ready to get up off your royal butt and let us get moving tomorrow? You already wasted enough time by sleeping," Matt said maliciously._

            "Matt you are such a pain in the ass did you know that???" I retorted. "You don't even have a way of defending yourself except running away or surrendering. So basically, you're a pathetic, lowlife, dirty scum!" Matt seemed taken aback by Arwen's tirade, so he left and went to his bedroll to try and get to sleep. Jamie followed soon after, humming bars of his new song.

            "I propose we all have an early night. There will be much exhausting hiking tomorrow, as we climb yonder mountain," Gandalf announced. Everyone except Arwen drifted off to sleep. The normal teenager/elven Lady stared into the fire, contemplating what direction her life was going. "So much for going to university," she muttered to herself, and didn't even notice Aragorn sneaking up behind her.

            "You out of all of the personship should be getting sleep," he said quietly. Erica sighed, and turned around to face the Ranger.

            "Good idea. I'll go now. Good-night, Aragorn."

            "Sleep well, fair Lady Arweniel." he called.

            "You are an insufferable moron!" Arwen said and threw a food pack at the grinning Strider.


	8. she bangs! she booms she can cook?

A/N we're cycling through this really fast eh? Well don't worry, I shall make sure this fic lives on. Alrighty, here is some more legolas bashing for you *listens to cheering aplause* they're going up the mountain. ' _' `s mean thoughts. Enjoy and as always review.  
  
Nuavar sighed. 'This is boring. And I have to stay up with boromir. Yetch. But then again I know he dies.. 'She sobbed and boromir looked at her. "lady are you alright?" "yea. Sorry, just...listening to the wind." 'Ooo good one Nuavar we all belive you'. "I have heard that elves could hear such things." 'Dude, sweet!' "heh yea."  
  
"I am sorry for the way I acted before." She turned to him her eyes softened. "it's alright, I'm just kinda firey, I guess. Not that it ever does me any good." " what do you mean?"she looked away "no guy ever wants a girl who could break his jaw with one kick. And who talks back all the time."  
  
He put his arm arund her shoulders "t'is not so lady. I think that there is someone here who does like you in that sort of way. You should never change who you are." "boromir?" "yes lady?" "thanks."  
  
Arwen awoke to the smell of bacon. 'crap it was all a dream?' she sat up and almost gasped at the pain in her shoulder. 'nope not dreaming' she looked over to where the smell was coming from and she saw ...Nuavar! Nuavar was cooking? Arwen blinked a couple of times before going over.  
  
"hey." She looked over and smiled "hi Arwen." "you cook?" "yea. Just because im against the type of guys who think of girls always cooking, I actually enjoy it." "alright who are you and what have you done with the real Nuavar. She never looks happy in the mornings."  
  
She only grinned in response. Soon everyone had woken up and had gathered round to get their food. "mem mhumoj juthe llioi hunnnimger.." pippin said while eating his food. He actually tried to say "this is great! when we get back to the shire." but was interrupted when matt started to choke.  
  
"damn. Do I have to save him?" Nuavar asked the personship. They all nodded their heads. She sighed and then whacked him on the back. The piece of bacon flew out of his mouth and into the fire. "ow! That hurt." Matt complained rubbing his throat. "good." Then she slapped him. "geez! What was that for!" "you wasted a piece of my bacon!" matt continued grumbling but didn't want her to hit him again so he shut up. Legolas stared at his plate not touching it. Pippin grabbed it and ate it but not before Nuavar saw. "why didn't you eat it?" "it was burned." And then an even louder slap was heard on the mountain. "I. don't. burn. Bacon." And with that she went over to where pippin was and sulked. ' damn it! Nothing I do is good enough.' And she was very confused as to why she cared. She decided she would talk to Arwen about it. 


	9. it's so confusing! AHHH!

A/N: Yay Erica (Arwen) is back and ready to kick some butt!! I think this fic is coming along awesome! What do you guys think? REVIEW it so we can make it even better!!! YEEHAW!!! *bouncing around* Sorry, I'm hyper for unknown reasons! Oh well, the awesome fic must go on!!!

            Matt and Jamie were on cleanup duty, so they bustled around making the campsite looked as if they'd never been there.

            "We ready to go?" Aragorn asked as he ran around the camp, making sure everything was perfect. He paused as he came to Arwen, and helped her up. She leaned in his arm, but once she stood up, she abruptly turned her back to him and started packing her stuff into the small traveling bag all the personship had been given.

            "Let me help you," Aragorn protested. He kept trying to get in front of Arwen, but she turned away every time he came close to her range of view. Finally he sighed and stopped.

            "What is it with you anyway? What did I do wrong?" he asked in exasperation. That made Arwen spin around in fury.

            "You came along and complicated things! Ever since I was hurt, you keep fussing over me like a mother hen! I'm not completely helpless, you know!!!" With that, the elf stalked off in a huff.

            "Sorry," Aragorn said to the empty air where a very angry girl had been a second before. Legolas came up and put his hand on his friend's arm.

            "These females are giving us more trouble then they are worth," he said quietly. Aragorn snorted.

            "You have got that right, my friend."

            "What I mean is, they are complicating our lives. One minute I feel as though I could kill Nuavar, and the next I almost feel....attracted to her." Legolas told him. Aragorn sighed and said, "I feel exactly the same way about Arweniel. And the strange thing is, she just told me that I was complicating her life. What should I make of that?"

            "Don't ask me, I'm not really that good with girls. As you can see with Nuavar." Legolas said.

            Erica/Arwen stalked away from Aragorn, seemingly in a rage, but really, her mind was in a turmoil. _Aaaah! That man is driving me insane! Okay, Erica, you have to decide right now. Do you like him, or do you hate him because he's an egotistical jackass moron? Erica thought to herself. Realizing the answer, she stopped short. "Oh my god," she muttered to herself. __Shit! I DO like him!!! What do I do now?? She sat down on a rock to ponder this unexpected predicament. __Maybe if I pretend I don't like him, I'll stop liking him. But do I want to stop liking him? Oh no! Does HE like me?? What if he hates me? AARRGH! She threw up her hands in exasperation, and dropped the subject. The personship was moving out._

            Gandalf led the way, with the four hobbits in tow. Behind him came Boromir and Gimli, then Aragorn, Arwen, Legolas, and Nuavar. Steph and Pam were close behind. Lagging in the back, as usual, were Jamie and Matt.

            "This is starting to seem too much like work," Jamie complained.

            "Why don't we just quit this damned ring quest thing," Matt exclaimed.

            "Oh no, we could never do that. Where would we go?" Jamie asked.

            "Well, we could always go over to that Dark Lord Sauron dude. I'm sure he has better job perks than this." Matt suggested.

            "I think I'll take my chances with this group." Jamie declared.

            "Arwen listen, I need to talk to you!" Nuavar muttered to her friend. They dropped away from the group.

            "Yeah, what is it?"

            "I need to know what is going on here!!! It's crazy! I like Leggy, then I hate him. Then I like him again! I can see it's the same way with you and Aragorn."

            "I just don't know, Morgan. But what I think we should do is I'll ask Legolas what he thinks of you, and you can ask Aragorn what he thinks of me!"

            "Wow that's an awesome idea! We'll do it when we camp tonight." Nuavar decided.

            "Okay." Arwen agreed. They hurried to get back to their place in line, and Aragorn gave them a suspicious look, but didn't press the subject. They plodded on up the snowy, cold mountain.


	10. ERU DAMNIT! MAKE A DECISION ALREADY

A/N: HAHAHAHA me bak!!!! *runs in holding a bunch of papers* and I have a new chapter for you. What I wanna know is who thinks that Nuavar should get together with: Legolas Boromir Frodo Other (specify!!!) And I have our first ever disclaimer which goes for all the chapters b4 and after: DISCLAIMER: We do not own LotR, if we did this would be the book instead of fan fix. Okies, now we can start.  
  
Nuavar snifled. 'it's not fair.' She started muttering under her breath in sindarin. "what cha saying Nuavar?" "I was just going on about how unfair life was." she patted pippin on the head. "o. I don't understand elvish." He replied skipping ahead to talk to merry. 'elvish? Kool.' She smiled then dropped back to talk to Arwen.  
  
"sup my elvish homie?" (hahaha I just wanted someone to say that.) Arwen grumbled something in Quenya. Nuavar was surprised by the fact that she understood.  
  
"why in the world would you brush him off?" She replied in Quenya. "iunno" Arwen said in common. Nuavar rolled her eyes and started arguing with Arwen.  
  
" so.." Tara started off. She was trying to have a conversation with legolas. 'gah! Why can't he and Nuavar just kiss and make out- I mean up' "you must really like Nuavar to have kept an argument up this long." Legolas' head snapped towards her. "what?" "yea, I mean Nuavar and Jamie have been at each others throats and we all knew that she liked him at one point." 'heheheh I think I've stirred up enough trouble. Im gonna go torture aragorn now.' Tara thought as she skipped up ahead to aragorn.  
  
Legolas was busy thinking. (oooo that must be hard. LOL.) 'so she likes jamie. Damnit. I thought that maybe she... What the hell? Nuavar, and me together? HA!' he said the last part out loud (the HA!) and everyone looked at him really strange like. (me speak English good yes.) " eheheheh, don't mind me." Then he blushed and hurried to walk beside aragorn who looked like he would burst out laughing. "whats with you?" "Arwen's nickname is chicken eri-ka hahahahah!" they both started laughing uncontrollably and everyone looked at them, shrugged and joined in.  
  
"cold. Crapy. Canadian. Weather." Nuavar chattered ans she went up the mountain. " snow. Is. Cold." Arwen agreed. And they both continued on. Tara had opted to stay in the tunnel with the rest of the personship since it would be warmer ( we all remember how you hate cold, miss im- gonna-wear- a-sweater-in-summer.) Then Arwen came up with an idea. "Snow angels!" Nuavar look at her as if she was crazy. "for the love of Eru, angels are from our world, I think you're getting delusional." "no stupid! I mean we can make snow angels!" Nuavar's face brightened as she laughed. "let's go!" and the raced ahead of legolas, found a great place to camp, and commenced making snow angels (the one perk of living in canada.. SNOW DAYS!) " heheheh that looks like fun!" pippin said when they arrived. As he and the hobbits and the girls joined in. the men merely watched and smiled when Arwen and Nuavar started wrestling for a good spot for the next angel. Suddenly they stopped and simultaneously said "SNOW FIGHT!" and they began hurling the snow at each other. Pretty soon they had the entire company in their war, boys v.s. girls. Girls one because they had grabbed matt and tied him upside down on a tree and practiced on him before the boys decided they could stop laughing at him.  
  
"HAHAHAHA that was great!" Pam laughed just as Tara practiced blowing up a snow man with her magic. POOF! The snow man was a... "PAUL!?!?!?" Nuavar yelled.  
  
A/N: ooooooo plot twist! Morgan/nuavar's old crush has joined them on the quest. Whats gonna happen? You the reader decide! Tell me who you want together and me and child o' light will work on it. The most votes gets the cake! Haahahahah!  
  
Aloriamoonbeam: the last fae : thnx! You're the first review that actually came back and reread our story you poor soul you. Lol. Now come back and tell us who should go together. P.s. you really like Nuavar? Koolies! Ur my new best friend. LoL. Ttyl! 


	11. We have ISSUES!

A/N: Child o' light wants reviews!!!! I live off them!! DON'T LET ME DIE!!!!!!!! lol, anyways, does anyone think Erica/Arwen shouldn't get together with Aragorn?? if so, please tell me why and who she should like instead, and also what do you guys think about the characters in general??? Who's your fav?? WE WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!! so review, review, review!!!!! P.S. (don't tell anyone, but I just found out that morgaine still likes Paul! (The snowman who turned real) *GASP* heeheehee it's our little secret!)

            "Camping is my favorite part of the day," Arwen said as she cooked some elvish version of potatoes and meat. Fortunately, it was only burned a bit when she was done.

            "So, I'm guessing crispy blackness is your specialty?" Aragorn asked skeptically as he took a small bite of the meat.

            "Don't push it, Acorn!" Arwen warned, brandishing Pam's pot. (A/N: AloriaMoonbeam, I used your name for him is that okay? lol) Aragorn gasped and looked all insulted.

            "Hey, I only called you Acorn is it that bad?" Erica teased. "Yes," he grunted. She laughed.

            "Now, now, children, calm down," Gandalf called.

            "But Gandalf, she called me acorn!!!!" Aragorn argued.

            "Really, can you act more immature?" Pam speculated. Jamie hopped over and said, "Yeah! Watch!" Then he began jumping around and doing flips while yelling, "I'm a pelican!! No wait, do I look more like a seagull?? Or am I a peacock?" Everyone ignored him.

            Just then Steph came running over shouting, "You'll never guess what! I made this snowman, but then, I made him real, and then, he turned into PAUL!!!!!!!!!!" Arwen, Pam, Jamie and Matt gasped because they knew that Nuavar had (has) the hugest crush on Paul.

            "He's here???" Jamie squawked.

            'Who is Paul?" Legolas asked curiously.

            "Oh, Nuavar likes him," Matt said. Legolas looked like he'd been slapped, but only Arwen and Aragorn noticed. They both headed over to have a serious talk with Nuavar.

            "Nuavar, this is serious!" Arwen said, planting her hands on her hips.

            "I know!" Morgan shot back despairingly.

            "You have to decide who you like. Paul or Legolas." Arwen was very solemn.

            "But I can't!!!!!!" Nuavar wailed. 

            'What!? So you do like Legolas?" Aragorn exclaimed.

            "Hang on, why are you listening? Well, I like him a bit, no, I hate him!!! Oh, I don't know!" Morgan screeched. She ran off to do some thinking about her guy dilemma. Arwen hurried over to Legolas. She was a skilled negotiator when it came to problems like this. Aragorn trailed after, clueless as guys usually are.

            "Legolas we need to talk. You have ISSUES!!!" Arwen informed him.

            "What kind of issues?" Leggy asked. (Could he be any dumber??)

            "NUAVAR ISSUES! She likes you, and she hates you, and she likes Paul, and she hates him because she likes him! You have to decide if you're going to get together with her or not!! If you don't, she might hate you and love Paul! Or she might hate you both and get it on with Frodo!! Can you see how serious this situation is!!!???" Legolas fainted because he tried to digest all the information Arwen had just yelled in his face. She sighed dramatically and spun around, intending to head over to Nuavar again, when Aragorn caught her arm.

            "What is it Acorn? I'm really busy right now. We have a full-blown crisis on our hands!" Arwen told him angrily. He took her shoulders and said, "All this crisis stuff has made me think about my relation with you. And I need to know, what do you feel about me?" Erica/Arwen stared at him like he was crazy.

            "I....I don't know." she said quietly. "Hang on a second, you're trying to destract me from the real problem here!!! Cant talk now gotta go!" she ran off, not to Nuavar, but to do some thinking. (sorry if this is annoying, but all the characters need to think!! It's important!!! lol)

            Gandalf was watching the scene incredulously.

            "What is it with these elven Ladies these days? One might think that they are not of middle-earth, what with all their 'guy problems'! I must be getting old!"


	12. more confusion, and the apearence of evi...

A/N THEY HAVE ISSUES???? THE NAME OF THE PERSON I LIKE HAS JUST BEEN POSTED ON THE NET, AND THEY HAVE ISSUES!!!!! ICA!!!!!!!!!!! Ur so mean!!!!!!!!!! *runs off into corner crying, until legolas comes over and hugs her* *he leaves* huh?... legolas....hug..me...yay....* starts to cry at the unfairness of it all* new...chapter...WHAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"THIS IS SO NOT KOOL!!!!!!" Nuavar cried out. She decided that she would take it out on the tree. "damn....men...damn..them....all..to...OW! stupid mosquito...hell!!!" after chopping up the tree for fire wood, she walked back into the camp. "here is fire wood you people cook more food im gona talk to pam (moonbeam, your right she needs to be in our story a bit more) Nuavar picked pam up by her collar and sat her near a tree. And so they talked about all of Nuavar's issues (so they were there for a really really long time, lol)  
  
Pam was getting tired and hungry. 'god , she should just do inie-minie- miney-moe and pick one!' pam got up and did the only thing she could. She slaped her. (OW! I know how much one of pam's slaps hurt especially when she's mad ) " GET A FRICKIN GRIP!" and she stalked off, muttering about purple monkey dish washers. (hahahah sorry couldn't resist) Nuavar sat there stunned.  
  
Pam went back into the camp. 'good lord at least I don't have any trouble with who I like' (HA! That's what U think) only to see a blond girl sitting in jamie's lap. (eyes bulge out of head. NO, it couldn't be..) "hi my name is (pause for dramatic effect) Mary Sue." (GAH!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE COMING!*runs away and holds onto paul* he's mine! *pauses and grabs legolas too * SO PAWS OFF LADY!) all the men except aragorn, gandalf and matt (I always wondered about him) were staring at mary sue as if she were the goddess herself (im going all mists of Avalon on you guys) Nuavar and Arwen walk into the clearing when they see her "OMG THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY!" Arwen exclaimed. Nuavar look at paul and legolas and frodo and boromir and Jamie with sadness "yea. She's ..." " a mary sue" they finished together. For a minute it looked as if Nuavar would burst into tears, but then she straitened her back and walked forward into the camp. "hey guys" she said in what could have passed for her normal voice. " hi" they coroused and legolas actually turned to her. When their eyes met, Nuavar thought she could see a spark of affection. But then as soon as she saw it, it was gone.  
  
A/N see what I mean when I say get your votes in????? I had to put in a freakin mary sue just so I could put out another chapter and delay making a decision. *grumbles* im gonna go up stairs and watch the season premier of enterprise, so get off your butts and review!  
  
Marian: im gonna seriously try to work your idea into the plot, since you're the only one who actually reviews our story consistently. *all the voices in morgaine's head nod* yea huh, and I agree with you about the whole realisim thing, Ica actually started it, but it's a great idea and I love it. Check back soon!!!! 


	13. hell knows no fury like a woman scorned ...

A/N: first of all I wanna announce that we just got our first flame *everyone goes:oooooooo* I know, who in their right minds would flame our story? *listens to the silence* Do you really think its bad? Is it me? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! *runs around in circles*  
  
'DAMNIT!' Nuavar thought. ' mary sue, I have to choose which guy to go out with and now I lose them all to a freakin mary sue?!?!?!?!' Nuavar sat down beside the hobbits. ' I'll get her' she glared at mary sue. ' and her little dog too MWUHAHAHA!!' mary sue of course, being perfect, tried to make friends with Nuavar (geez, what a stooge) "why are you mad at me? Tell me the truth." Mary sue said taking Nuavar's hands into her own. Nuavar smiled a sickeningly sweet smile. "the truth? The truth is that your roots are showing." Nuavar grinned evily when MS (I'm tired of typing out her name) frantically looked for a mirror. 'dumbass'  
  
Nuavar walked back in the camp humming a little song under her breath. When *crunch* She spun around with an arrow in her bow and ready to shoot. Arwen blinked. "wouldya take that thing outa my face?" Nuavar laughed. "sure" as she lowered her bow. They sat down and talked about stuff and eventually dissolved into making some more snow angels.  
  
"no, no, there wasn't a solar eclipse... at least not here. O shit." Tara was mumbling incoherently as she tried to figure out how paul ended up in middle earth. On the snow you could find bazillions(hehehe funny word.) of calculations, all of which pointed to one thing: "mary sue" "yes?" "GAH!" *poompf!* mary sue had popped up right behind Tara. "er hi mary sue." Tara rolled her eyes as MS went off into describing how wonderful paul and legolas are. Then she had it. She could get rid of two meddlesome birds with one stone. She ran away from MS who didn't even realize that she was gone. She went and told Pam. Who was playing darts with a chibi drawing of MS which she had obviously cut with her dagger (obviously *rolls eyes*) and so they began their plotting.  
  
A/N me feeling down. *sniff* Thnx marian, iunno what im gonna do yet :P  
  
P.S, I was writing this last night, and then I looked again and the reviewer was jm. Congrats, Jamie, u win the dumbest flamer ever award! And you really need to work on your grammar, have you like not been paying attention in class again? Really, Jamie musgrave, I've known you for three years and you think I wouldn't remember your initials? Geez. You should be happy that your in my story at all, and that I stayed true to your character. In future, make your flame at least sound like you know what your talking about, k? and don't put crap in my reviews, because I'll tell you right now: I dun give a shit. So mneh!!!!!! 


	14. Finally! Nuavar's first kiss!

A/N: Okay, our story is starting to get CWAYZY!!! And nobody is reviewing to tell us what they think should happen so we're stuck with making up our own bizarro plots!!!!!!! REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! Onwards, faithful readers!!!!!

            "I think I'm going crazy!!! it's the snow sickness!!!! HELP!!!" Jamie yelled pitifully as a blizzard whipped up. The personship were marching along yet again. Of course, everyone ignored the Men and their weird antics.

            "Are you starting to get sick of seeing white all day and night long?" Nuavar asked Arwen.

            "Yup."

            "But there's nothing we can do about it, I know. Have you heard? Supposedly Tara has a way to get rid of Mary sue, that BITCH!" Nuavar twisted her head to get a look at the perfect blonde who was getting carried by Legolas with Jamie fluttering around, trying to look useful.

            "She does? Well, for your sake, and Legolas, I hope she's gone soon," Arwen said. Legolas stumbled and was smacked by MS. Jamie straightened her hair.

            "So what's up with you and Aragorn? He's not affected by HER." Nuavar asked casually.

            "I'm not sure. Acorn is strange. He teases me, yells at me, helps me, and shoves me. But through it all, he still looks like he likes me! I don't get it." Arwen sighed in frustration. 

            Just then, a huge chunk of snow fell right in front of Gandalf, who was leading. Everyone was buried by the mini avalanche that followed. They all spluttered, but got out all right. Then they had a conversation yelled over the loud winds. (seem similar to the movie????) Finally Frodo decided that they should go through the mines of Moria. Gimli seemed happy with this decision and hummed a dwarf song as he led the way down a steep hill to the mine.

            "C-c-c-old!!!!" Pam stuttered as the personship finally reached the entrance to the mine.

            "M-me too!" Arwen agreed. Everyone has snow and icicles all over them.

            "Hey! I bet I could throw a stone farther than any of you elves!" Pippin yelled in challenge as he began throwing pebbles into the small lake. Nuavar couldn't resist, and joined in.

            "Look dudes! I got the door open!" Tara yelled triumphantly as the door to Moria slid open. At that moment, a tentacle slid our of the water and grabbed Pippin and Nuavar.

            "HELP!" they screamed as they were slowly dragged back into the water. Aragron, Boromir and Arwen began chopping off flailing tentacles in a vain attempt to get to the elf and hobbit. Legolas began shooting at it, Pam stabbed it with her dagger, and Steph recited incantations. In the end, it was one of Legolas's arrows that got it in the eye, releasing Nuavar and Pippin. MS stopped screeching at the top of her lungs and ran inside the mine. Everyone else followed.

            "Wow, Legolas. You saved my life," Nuavar breathed into his face as they stopped once inside.

            "I try my best," Legolas answered. He began to turn away, but Nuavar grabbed him and pecked him on the cheek. He gasped in surprise, and looked at her as if seeing a new person. Arwen looked on with a grin.

            "You...kissed me," he said. Nuavar smiled and nodded.

            "This could get interesting," Arwen said to Pam as they noticed MS fuming with jealousy. 


	15. many poofs and even more insanity

"I wonder what happened to our crazy psychotic friend Kristen?" tara asked as the personship walked through moria. Gandalf and aragorn led the way.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
"we hear the drums in the deep. We cannot get out. They are coming and we cannot get out." Kristen read aloud. "BORING!" she chucked the diary down a well. "uhh. I think you should have kept that," Jordan said as loud bangs and clangs echoed through the mine. "what ever. Why are the ugly dwarves keeping us captive again?" the personship ran into balin's tomb. Gimli yelled and ran to the slaby thingy(me speak English good yes) "dude, what's his problem?" Jordan asked.  
  
" Kristen!" Arwen yelled "high priestess of the little people!" Aragorn exclaimed at the same time. "and high priestess of the Patrick haters!" legolas added looking at Jordan. Nuavar slapped him. "wut was that for?" "iunno, bored." She shrugged. "we must blockade the door! Orcs!" Frodo announced, showing his sword. "oh those ugly people?" Kristen asked indifferently. "YES and there's a lot of them!" Arwen shouted over the screams of the orcs. And drew her sword. The others followed and legolas and Nuavar drew their bows. "what ever, they don't bother me." Kristen said. "they should" replied gandalf. As the first orcs came, arrows shot them down, but not quickly enough to stop them from breaking down the doors. Arwen cried a challenge and charged the orc that was unfortunate enough to meet her first. "she would have made a good ranger." Aragorn said. Nuavar rolled her eyes as Arwen looked back on him lovingly. "we are in a WAR HERE PEOPLE!" she screeched as she decked an orc.  
  
Kristen, Jordan, Matt and Jamie were in their own private war, far away from the battle. "why are YOU TWO here?" kristen asked. "DUDE! We were here first" Jordan added. Jamie cowered on the floor and Matt looked insulted "at least WE are apart of the fellowship." An arrow narrowly missed his head "I mean person ship! Geez" "you are such a bum matt!" Kristen said.  
  
The orcs had left and a huge mountain troll walked in. "aw shi-" tara sighed. She mumbled something and then there was a *pop* and two trolls were there instead of one. "oops!" tara said. "shoot for it's eyes! Legolas told Nuavar. Together, Arwen and aragorn took out a troll with the help of pam and her dagger ("they're always after me lucky charms!") "only one left!" Kristen had given up her war and started encouraging her friends. "ok, that's it. Im taking a break." Arwen announced as she promptly sat on a rock and pouted. Aragorn looked at her incredulously and continued fighting the remaining troll.  
  
Gandalf started muttering an incantation with a weird dance. *poof* it disappeared. Everone blinked (*blink*) and looked at him. "wow, great spell master gandalf!" tara said, breaking the scilence. " that was unintentional" gandalf told her as the personship looked at Cheryl. "let me guess, another elven lady who shall aide us on our quest." Aragorn said sarcastically. Cheryl took one look around the cave. "WHAT? NO ELECTRICITY?" then she popped away. Again the Personship blinked and then they decided it would be a good time to get out of there. On the way they met up with the balrog. "AIE! A BALROG!" legolas announced. Nuavar slapped him for stating the blatantly obvious, and they continued on their way. All happened as it should, with the exception that tara had jumped after gandalf into shadow ("L8TER PEEPLES!").  
  
A/N: I had to send this to child o light because I coulden't load it! So sorry! Check beck soon for our next chap: lothlorien 


	16. love is one messed dance

A/N: HI! lol. well kristen and jordan liked our story so much that they got to be in it! * image of Kristen and Jordan being dragged off by dwarves in mafia suits* hehehehe..... um. yea, that's all, im kinda tired so me no makie biga author note. review! bies!  
  
Arwen barely had time to gasp before she was grabbed and ran out of moria with the rest of the personship. Outside, Arwen, Nuavar, Kristen, pam and Jordan sagged down on the rocks, still stunned at tara's jump after Gandalf. Arwen and Kristen began sobbing uncontrollably, while Nuavar, Pam and Jordan were just shocked into silence. The hobbits were sad too. Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, and Gimli stood around awkwardly. Then Aragorn walked over and sat by Arwen. "Arweniel, please don't cry. They are magical, surley they cannot be dead." Arwen was comforted by his words, and silently put her head on his shoulder. Nuavar frantically mimed putting her arm around Nuavar, since Aragorn had no clue what to do. Nuavar nodded, satisfied, when Aragorn did that. Meanwhile Legolas was watching. He decided he had to comfort the Elven lady that had caught his eye since the first day of the quest. "Nuavar, you must not give up hope for them," he said. Morgan/Nuavar looked at him strangely and exclaimed, "What, now that Mary Sue is gone you're coming running to me??" "WHAT!!!?? Where is she??" Jamie yelled. He began running around frantically, looking for MS. Little did he know, the orcs had captured her as a replacement for Kristen and Jordan. "We must be moving," Aragorn announced suddenly. "These hills will be swarming with orcs by nightfall." So, with the tragic loss of Gandalf and Tara, and the happy reuniting of Nuavar and Leggy, the personship trudged off again. (with Kristen and Jordan tagging along)  
  
"Wow, would you look at that forest?" Pam exclaimed as the group approached Lothlorien. They walked in under huge trees making a canopy over their heads. Gimli was instantly on the watch for the soldiers of the Lady of the Wood. It did no good. Within five minutes, they were surrounded by weird-looking elf people. Aragorn convinced them to take them to the Lady.  
  
A/N: uh oh sory reader ppl, we TOTALLY forgot about paul!!! we were all engrossed with Paul Walker and Vin Diesel in the fast and the furious, but I promise paul will be in the next chapter. 


	17. the lady of the wood aka jackie we final...

A/N: Sry it took us so goddamn long to get a new chapter up!!!! morgaine and I each have our own side ficcies that are taking up a helluva lot of time. Anyway, read this and REVIEW it!!!!!  
  
Chapter 17  
  
"Dudes, what's going on?" Pam asked, confused. Jordan looked all offended and conked her on the head.  
  
"Dude is my word!" she yelled. The personship was led before the Lady of Lothlorien.  
  
"Hey, look! Jackie's the Lady!" Arwen exclaimed as she recognized her friend standing in front of them.  
  
"How come all our friends are showing up in middle-earth?" Nuavar asked.  
  
"We all got, like, burned and stuff when Matt blew up the school. So we, like went to the hospital, but then people started getting totally, like poofed here," Kristen explained. Everyone stared at her.  
  
"How in the hell do you figure that?" Jamie asked. Kristen shrugged. "Steph told me?"  
  
"Who is Steph?" Aragorn asked. The original fellowship were still totally in the dark about human people poofing into middle-earth as elves and leprechauns. Arwen finally figured out that she could shut him up if she kissed him. She did. Kristen gasped.  
  
"HEY! He's cute! When did you guys hook up?" Arwen looked past the baffled Aragorn and rolled her eyes at the personship. Finally she pulled away.  
  
"My Lady, when did the elves so master the art of kissing?" Aragorn asked breathlessly. Arwen laughed and took hold of his hand.  
  
"EXCUSE ME! This is MY realm, I should be the one getting the attention here!" Galadriel/Jackie pouted. Everyone's heads swiveled to look at her.  
  
"How rud!" Legolas was staring at Jackie more than he should have, so Nuavar hit him on the head and Jackie burst out laughing. When she recovered, she asked, "Why have you come here?"  
  
"O Lady, we have come for rest. Our quest is long and arduous and we are pursued by Nazgul," Aragorn answered.  
  
"O! kool. Um you can chill here if you want, but im gonna get a bubble bath. bie bie!" And with that the lady walked away. "er.. that was.." Arwen began. "different." Nuavar finished. They grinned at each other and headed towards the tree where they would be staying. This journey was getting better by the minute! 


	18. WE LUV U ALL BUT THIS IS THE END!

And then they all fell out of a tree and died. Yup. Its true. Middle earth fell into dispair aka Toronto.  
  
A/N: Morgaine here, well how was that for a anti climatic ending? Well we got a lot of flames and so we've decided to drop the fic unless we get a wave of people wanting us to continue this "piece of crap" according to certain people. Well at least we can say we gave it the old collage try ne? I am trying to update my other stories for anyone who cares and I look forward to reading alorea moonbeams' fics if she ever writes one. I love the word well. Lolz. So sorry to anyone I might have flamed, I've been in bad sorts lately. Love you all! Have a great time every one!  
  
A/N: Hey, dis is child-of-the-light! As morgaine said, we're ending the odyssey. If anyone wants us to continue it, by all means let us know. Our feelings just got kinda hurt when certain people called our story a piece of crap and other such things. Anyway, hope u liked it while it lasted! And email morgaine at majinx@hotmail.com if you would like to finish it. BIES! 


	19. WE START ONCE MORE!

A/N: Hey its child-of-the-light!! This is totally awesome, I was bored and decided to start up this fic again!!! It's been like, what, a year? Anyways, I hope our old reviewers (yes, the flamers too) come back to see the rest of our epic tale!!! Hehehe, I hope my writing has gotten better now that I'm in grade eight instead of seven.  
  
Just to tell you, here's a complete list of the personship (in case you forgot): Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Pippin, Sam, Merry. And our own characters: Erica/Arwen, Morgan/Nuavar, Kristen, Jordan, Pam/Pamella, Matt, Jamie. Plus Gandalf and Steph/Tara who fell down the well with the Balrog. Also Jackie/Galadriel.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 19- WE START ONCE MORE!!!  
  
"Hey Frodo, I saw you go off with Galadriel," Kristen said with a wink. She had been told by Nuavar to call everyone by their Middle-earth names, instead of their real world names.  
  
"High Priestess of the Little People, I am shocked and appalled for you to even suggest such a thing!" Frodo gasped. (Btw, Kristen is really really tall in real life)  
  
"Hey, sorry, you just kinda made it a BIT obvious," Kristen grumbled, then rolled over and went back to sleep. The whole personship was still asleep long after the People of the Wood woke and began bustling about.  
  
"Hey wow, Nuavar doesn't have to burn our breakfast today, we get it given to us!" Merry exclaimed as some elves gave all the personship food on funky leaf plates, bowls, and such. (Seeing as leafs are like a big thing in Lothlorien).  
  
Galadriel gathered the personship before her and decided she needed to talk to them and look important before they went away.  
  
"Okay.well, I'm like telepathic, so I have some stuff to tell you, that I saw in visions last night. First off, love will create many complications on this journey. I am warning you to heed others' advice before making decisions about who you're going to go out with."  
  
"Psssht, as if that hasn't happened already," Morgan said, which caused Arwen to snort and choke with suppressed laughter.  
  
"'Tis not funny! I am the Lady of the Wood! I see all, and I know all!"  
  
"Well, did you know that Nuavar was in love with Legolas?" Pam asked, and Nuavar and Legolas both stole her magic pot and conked her on the head. "OW!"  
  
"Shut up, you people have no capabilities as an audience." Jackie/Galadriel said scathingly. "Next. I see a fork in your path. Should you need to split up, for whatever reason.uh, be careful who goes in your group."  
  
"What kind of advice is that?" Jordan asked. She saw everyone staring at her, so she shrugged and was quiet. For once.  
  
"Okay FINE! If you people have no respect for me, you can leave this Wood! And Legolas, Nuavar, and Jordan, you're never allowed back in Lothlorien as long as you live." Galadriel pouted.  
  
"WHAT?!? Why?" Nuavar was stunned.  
  
"I dunno, but you got on my nerves. Anyways, I have something for you, Frodo. It's the Light of Earendil, our most beloved star. It hurts my eyes because it's too bright. You can have it so it can like, light up your way and stuff." Galadriel handed Frodo a star in a bottle (and guess what? The bottle had leaves on it!).  
  
The personship began getting into boats that were wooden, looked like canoes, and had leaves carved on them. (Leaves!! Not again!!)  
  
"Wait! Kristen and Arwen!" Galadriel called. Erica and Kristen walked up to her.  
  
"I'm gonna miss you guys. Bob. Doug." She said, hugging Kristen, then Erica. (They had a special friendship thingy in a bubble, and had guy names for some reason.)  
  
"Bi bi bubble! Telug, Larry!" Both of them called, as finally the whole personship were seated in canoes and they rowed away.  
  
Aragorn, Arwen and Frodo were in one canoe, Nuavar, Pam, and Legolas in another, Merry, Pippin, and Sam in one, Boromir, Kristen, and Jordan in a fourth one, and finally, Matt, Jamie, and Gimli in the last one.  
  
"Young Men are always bragging about their strength, especially when ladies are around. Although some may be Elven ladies, known for being stuck- up, surely you two want to show off your physical prowess?" Gimli asked Matt and Jamie. Jamie's face went blank and he obviously had no idea what that meant, but Matt whispered in his ear for a minute and then both of them seemed to open their eyes to the ladies of the personship for the first time.  
  
There were the two Elven ladies, but the Men were sure that the two of them had already found a man. Jordan and Kristen, the two Females who had been captured by orcs because of their helplessness and beauty, seemed to appeal to Jamie. Since Mary Sue had disappeared in the depths of Moria, Jamie had been fraught with grief, while almost everyone else had rejoiced.  
  
"None of these ladies are for me," Matt said sadly. Gimli looked at him as though he were deaf and dumb.  
  
"None of them?!? My boy, you are what is known among dwarves as PICKY. If you cannot see a good thing in," he stopped to count, "five equally beautiful and seemingly intelligent females, there is something drastically wrong with you!"  
  
"Well, I see a few." Jamie said with a dumb smile, and gestured to Kristen and Jordan. Just then Pam got conked on the head with a paddle by Legolas, who was paddling, and she got mad and knocked him out with her golden pot. Nuavar got mad also and picked up the paddle. She started paddling while yelling at Pam to throw water on Legolas to revive him.  
  
"What about that one? The leprechaun?" Matt suggested to Jamie.Jamie looked at Pam and his eyes widened.  
  
"Wow." Was all he could say. Matt laughed hysterically.  
  
"Hahahaha! Jamie's in love with a le-prechaun!" he teased in a singsong voice. Jamie glared at him. None of them, however, seemed to notice the way Gimli had turned green with jealousy as he realized Jamie liked the same leprechaun as he.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Oooo! Kinda plot twist! Hehe. I'm trying to get more into the guys' POV on the love problem. This chapter was kinda short, I know, we'll try to make the rest a bit longer, but I'm going to see The Two Towers with some friends (Jackie, Kristen, and Cheryl, lol) soon, so I hafta post this and then get ready. Later days! 


	20. AIYEE! Urukhai! And mucho bad stuff! So ...

Chapter 20- AIYEE! Uruk-hai! And mucho bad stuff! So sad....  
  
"AAAHHH!!! The huge statues of doom are gonna kill us!!" Jamie yelled, and clung to Matt, who instantly jumped away.  
  
"They are not 'statues of doom.' These are the Argonath. The statues of my ancestors....my kin." Aragorn said quietly.  
  
"The kings of old." Arwen said from her seat behind the heir to the throne of Gondor. Aragorn turned to look at her incredulously.  
  
"How did you know that?" he asked. Erica's eyes widened and she shook her head.  
  
"I...I don't know."  
  
"Ha, she probably made it up, just so she could look good. We all know how much you two are in love," Boromir said scathingly, and snorted derisively.  
  
"How rud! At least someone loves Aragorn, unlike what you can say for yourself." Nuavar shot back at him. Boromir looked at her in surprise.  
  
"How do you know that?" then he blew a kiss to Kristen, in another boat, who smiled and waved flirtatiously.  
  
"KRISTEN?!? AND BOROMIR?!?!" Jamie exclaimed, and keeled over in shock. Matt stared from Kristen, to Boromir, back to Kristen, and then to Jamie, and keeled over right on top of him.  
  
"Eeewww, nasty." Jordan said. Gimli understood her joke and pointed and laughed at the two Men who were in his canoe thing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A while later, the personship landed safely on the shore of Nen Hithoel. (I think that's what it's called). The hobbits crawled out and all of them except Frodo instantly fell asleep beside Jordan, Kristen, Jamie, and Matt. Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Nuavar, Arwen, and Boromir stayed awake to discuss their position.  
  
"We're screwed." Nuavar pointed out right away. Boromir gave her a sideways glance.  
  
"Thank you for pointing out that quite obvious fact, Elf lady." he said.  
  
"Everyone should get some rest. We leave as soon as it is dark enough." Aragorn decided. The others began to get some food ready.  
  
"Umm...excuse me, but where is Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked a while later when he had woken up.  
  
"Frodo!! FRODO!!! No, he can't be gone, he was so cute!" Nuavar screeched as she ran around the camp looking for the hobbit.  
  
"He was also carrying the Ring of Power, which is what this personship is meant to destroy," Arwen added dryly.  
  
"Yeah, that too. Aww, but he was so CUTE!" Nuavar argued.  
  
"Boromir." Aragorn whispered.  
  
"Eh? What's that?" Arwen asked.  
  
"Boromir is gone also. We must find them, Frodo might be in danger!"  
  
"Oh no, we're coming Frodo you cute little blighter!" Nuavar exclaimed as she picked up her bow and strapped on a quiver of arrows. Legolas did likewise, and Arwen and Aragorn checked their swords. The four set out to find Boromir and Frodo, leaving the rest of the personship around the campfire.  
  
~*~ MeAnWhIlE ~*~  
  
"Frodo! Wait!" Boromir called to the small figure of a running midget. Frodo stopped and turned around, shaking. He clutched the Ring in one white-knuckled hand.  
  
"Stop yourself, Boromir. It is the lure of the Ring. Please stop!" When Frodo realized that Boromir wasn't going to stop, he sighed in exasperation and stuck the ring on his finger.  
  
"Frodo? Where the hell did that little bugger go? FRODO! I want the stupid ring! It's for Kristen, as an engagement present!!" Boromir yelled into the empty woods. "I want her to marry me!" he sobbed and sank to his knees, knowing now that once the others found out about this there was no way Kristen would want to marry him.  
  
"Hogdangit!" he muttered, and started making a ring out of a bunch of twigs and grass.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Frodo reappeared somewhere away from Boromir. He was totally freaked out about his experience of having the Sauron speak to him yet again. Then as he turned around and saw himself staring at four pairs of traveling boots, he jumped three feet in the air with a yell.  
  
"AIYEE!"  
  
"No, wait Frodo, it's just us! Where's Boromir?" Aragorn asked. Arwen stood beside him, with Legolas and Nuavar flanking them, bows at the ready for any sign of danger.  
  
"He tried to take the Ring," Frodo whispered brokenly, staring at the elves and Man with wide, frightened eyes.  
  
"I KNEW he was bad news. How on earth could Kristen bring herself to be in love with that guy?" Arwen exclaimed, heaving a huge theatrical sigh.  
  
"Arwen, this is not the time," Legolas chided Erica, who glared at him but was quiet.  
  
"Frodo, how could you think we would take the Ring?" Nuavar asked. She looked hurt that the cute little hobbit would think her capable of evil.  
  
"We swore that we would protect you," put in Arwen.  
  
"Frodo, we would go with you to the very fires of Mount Doom." Aragorn declared, kneeling somberly in front of the hobbit and closing Frodo's hand, which held the One Ring.  
  
"We had better get back to the others," Legolas said. He was getting jumpy.  
  
"Frodo will not be coming with us," Aragorn said. Erica and Morgan had known this already, but to Legolas it came as a shock. Frodo gave the four a last look and then turned to walk away.  
  
"WAIT!" Morgan and Erica both yelled. Frodo turned around with a knowing smile and was bowled over from the two girls' bone-crushing hugs.  
  
"You are so cute, Frodo!" Morgan exclaimed.  
  
"We'll always think of you. Go destroy that dumb old ring," Erica added with a huge grin.  
  
"Goodbye, Elven ladies. You will be in my heart always." With that, Frodo melted away into the bushes.  
  
"I can't believe he's gone, just *poof*, like that." Nuavar said sadly. Arwen nodded.  
  
"ORCS!" yelled Legolas suddenly.  
  
"STOP YELLING IN MY EAR!" Nuavar shot back. Sure enough, a large group of orcs was very close, and Aragorn and Arwen already had their swords drawn.  
  
"Damn, I hate those ugly things," Arwen commented before raising her sword and charging at the orcs with a war cry. Aragorn looked at Nuavar, who shrugged and began shooting arrows at the orcs along with Legolas. Aragorn sighed to himself and joined Arwen.  
  
"Owie owie owie owie!" shrieked Nuavar suddenly. An orc arrow had grazed her thigh, but after her initial outbreak, she managed to balance on one leg and continue killing the ugly dudes.  
  
~*~SoMeWhErE eLsE~*~  
  
Back at the main camp, Kristen, Jordan, Matt, Jamie, Pam, and Sam the hobbit were all wide awake. They wondered where almost half of their personship, including the Ringbearer, had disappeared to.  
  
"Maybe they went to find some cool-looking twigs." Jamie suggested.  
  
"Dude, there's a twig right here!" Jordan said, pointing to Kristen. (Who, by the way, is very skinny and commonly called Twiggy, but not by me).  
  
"How rud! I'm going to find Merry and Pippin." Kristen exclaimed.  
  
"Ooo! I'll go with you!" Pam exclaimed, and hopped up to follow the High Priestess of the little people.  
  
"I am off to catch up with Mister Frodo. Gandalf told me to keep an eye on him, after all." Sam announced. He tried to leave alone, but was followed by Jordan, Matt, and Jamie, who pestered him with annoying questions.  
  
~*~YeT aNoThEr PlAcE~*~  
  
"Uh oh, Boromir, we're in trouble." Merry said to the tall Man standing before him and Pippin. Boromir turned around and saw all the orcs.  
  
"Get the Halflings!" cried the leader. Boromir stood protectively in front of the hobbits and managed to blow his special horn thing a few times before needing to use both hands for fighting off the orcs.  
  
Boromir had cut down over a dozen of the Uruk-hai before the leader shot an arrow into his chest. He kept fighting, and yelled a curse at the stupid orcs, before he was shot twice more and finally fell to his knees.  
  
"Boromir!" screeched Kristen. She and Pam had watched the fight unfold, and now she ran to the fallen man.  
  
"I love you, Boromir, although you are a stubborn old fool." she whispered, and kissed him once before the orcs grabbed her, Pam, and the hobbits and ran off.  
  
Boromir was left alone with the leader of the Uruk-hai, who was about to kill him, before someone smashed into his back with a strong force.  
  
"Aragorn," Boromir managed as he watched the other Man kill the orc.  
  
"Boromir. I shall get these arrows out of you. You will be all right," Aragorn panted as he tried to pull out one of the arrows with a hand covered in orc blood. Boromir grabbed his hand.  
  
"Don't. My time has come. Please, tell Kristen not to cry too much. Goodbye, my brother....my captain.....my King." then Boromir wheezed once and coughed up some blood before he closed his eyes forever. Aragorn bowed his head in pain. Just then the other three ran up.  
  
"He is gone?" Legolas asked quietly. Aragorn nodded without turning around. Arwen burst into tears and flung herself onto Boromir's chest, being careful not to touch any of the arrows. She sobbed hysterically. Nuavar never cried, so for her, being misty-eyed was a show of great personal grief.  
  
"Arwen, do not cry. He died in great honor and will be remembered in legend and song," Aragorn tried to console the tough-spirited elf. Erica looked at him through a haze of tears.  
  
'He doesn't know that I've never seen anything like this before. I'm not of this land, I'm not really and elf, I can't be! I don't belong here. There is too much danger, and I'm just some girl going to high school.'  
  
"But he is still dead." was what she finally said. Aragorn must have realized that Arwen had never seen a man killed in cold blood before, and softened. However, he was still a Ranger, a hardened man who excelled at fighting and killing. He had no idea how to comfort a beautiful woman.  
  
Luckily, Morgan came once again to his aid. She positioned herself in Aragorn's line of sight and hugged Legolas tightly. Legolas was totally blown away by this, and hesitantly put his arms around Nuavar. She grinned over the blond elf's shoulder at the Ranger.  
  
Aragorn took the hint and tenderly gathered Arwen in his arms. She looked into his eyes in surprise, then managed a shaky grin and crushed his muscular body to her slimmer but also strong one. Aragorn's eyes lit up with wonder as he realized what he was doing: making someone feel better, instead of killing them!  
  
He took it one step further, and gently untangled himself from Erica's embrace. Then he leaned forward and brushed his lips against her pale trembling ones. Brushing his hand over her soft dark brown hair, he stood up and walked over to Nuavar and Legolas. Arwen soon stood up also and followed him over.  
  
The casual observer could see the clear definition between the two couples, even if they couldn't. Legolas stood as close as possible to Nuavar, who had unconsciously laid her hand on his arm. Arwen was leaning her head dispiritedly on Aragorn's shoulder.  
  
"We must find Merry, Pippin, and the two others," Legolas said determinedly. Aragorn nodded.  
  
'Let's go hunt some orc." he declared. The two women seemed to regain some energy at this idea, and checked that they had everything needed for long days on the road.  
  
"Where's Gimli?" Legolas asked suddenly. He and the tiny dwarf had become quite good chums.  
  
"I dunno," Arwen said after looking around. Suddenly all four heard a crashing noise in the underbrush, and a blurred cannonball seemed to fly out.  
  
"Youse all aren't leaving without a good sturdy dwarf along!" Gimli exclaimed. Nuavar actually laughed out loud, and everyone else grinned at the optimistic dwarf. They headed off in the direction the Uruk-hai had taken after giving Boromir a decent burial in one of their leafy canoes and sending him off down the river in an honorable fashion.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Oh Mister Frodo, it seems so far away," Sam said when the four had stopped in an area of many rocks. Frodo followed his friend's gaze to the distant shadow of Mount Doom.  
  
"We will make it, my good Sam. We can do it."  
  
"No we can't!" Jamie whined. He and Matt were slouched on the ground, while Jordan was up and ready to go along with the hobbits.  
  
"We're gonna get killed!" added Matt. Jordan got mad and bonked them on the head with a rock. The hopped up and obediently followed the other three.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: YAY! The first part of the trilogy is finally done!!! It's kind of veering away from the original insanity that it was, but I think that will all change once Morgan gets off her butt and writes a chapter, lol. Read and review, as always. Since we've had no flamers, Jamie wins the dumbest flamer award for the second time running. We love everybody, reviewers, flamers, and readers who are too lazy to review! 


	21. Attack of the Wacko Dreams! AND EOMER!

A/N: im here, to type an other insane chapter in our lord of the rings series. Its time for book two, the two towers. And, we're gonna find out what happened to paul. *gasp* lol.  
  
"I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS! HERE THEY ARE A STANDING IN A ROW! BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD! GIVE A TWIST, A FLICK OF THE WRIST, THAT'S WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID!" Kristen sang out loud as the orcs carried her and the little hobbits off toward Isengard. The orcs dropped her unceremoniously, and some of them died. (Their inner ears imploded). The leader, who was the only one left, turned to her and said in orc; "YOUR CRAZY!" Kristen grinned and then said, turning towards pippin as if they were having a conversation; "crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a rubber room. Rubber rooms? I hate rubber rooms, they attract rats. Rats? I hate rats. They make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a rubber room. Rubber rooms? I hate rubber rooms, they attract rats.." and before she could continue, the lead orc screamed and reached for his sword. He then rammed it through his stomach, and killed himself.  
  
The hobbits, Pam, and Kristen got free, and headed out, hopefully towards someone who would help them. Unfortunately, the hobbits still had to deal with Kristen who had started on a new saying. "One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight, back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other, deaf policemen heard the noise, then came and arrested those two dead boys. If you don't believe my story's true, ask the blind man, he saw it too!" Pam was getting really annoyed by this time, and finally took out her golden pot and slammed it over Kristen's head. By the time that the little hobbits had reached the ents, she had shut up(Pam smacked her dagger against the side of the pot and it made the pot echo the noise into Kristen's head).  
  
Meanwhile, Nuavar, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn and Arwen, where trudging along the path to Rohan. When they stopped to rest, Nuavar dragged Arwen into the woods to 'talk'.  
  
"What is it Morgi?" Arwen asked, wondering what on middle-earth was the matter with her friend. "What did you see?" Nuavar asked quietly, looking as if the trees the leaned upon were listening. "See?" Arwen asked and raised an eyebrow. Nuavar gulped and whispered "when Jackie-I mean,- Galadriel talked to you in your mind." Arwen thought back, and said in a bored tone "o, she said to watch out for the golden haired warrior woman, and that she would try to take him. But I already know what she means, its just that Eowyn chick, nothing to worry about. Why, what did you see?" Nuavar went paler if it was possible. "I saw matt and Jamie...ew. and Uruk- hai, thousands of them! And then Jackie went babbling on about Jamie liking me, how wacked out is that?" Morgan ended off being silly, and started back towards the camp muttering about crazy people, and how she almost missed hitting matt and Jamie. Almost.  
  
*~*~* Matt's dream *~*~*  
  
There's a boat on the lake, and matt is in the boat trying to pull Jamie out of the water. "I'll never let you go jimmy!" and Jamie replies "but you must matt! You must!" "Oh mr. Musgrave," "oh matt....kiss me I'm speakin irish!" "WHAT?"  
  
*~*~* reality *~*~*  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" Matt woke up and looked around. He vaguely heard Saruman's laugh echo in his head when he realized it was only a dream.  
  
*~*~* The remaining personship*~*~*  
  
"I AM TIRED!!!!" Arwen huffed, as they continued their long trek across the fields. Nuavar turned to her and sneered "we all are dodo brain." Arwen stopped and turned to her. "OH! DO YOU WANNA FIGHT?" Nuavar took out her long knives and said "Bring it on!" and just as they were about to fight, Aragorn stepped in. "ladies, this is not the time. Perhaps a rest would do us all well." Nuavar sniffed and holstered her blades. Arwen sheathed her blade, and they made their way to the shade of some rocks. Arwen shot a grin over to Nuavar and whispered in Sindarin "I knew it would work." Nuavar rolled her eyes and replied "Men are so gullible." The two elven ladies smiled and munched on their lembas. Legolas overheard the conversation and shook his head. He was never going to get used to these women.  
  
Suddenly Legolas heard a sound and his head snapped up. Nuavar and Arwen were also alert, they had heard it too. Nuavar's eyes widened and she mouthed 'Rohirrim' to Arwen who nodded in understanding. They both grinned and whispered at the same time "I call Eomer!" They giggled which, to the men's dismay, alerted the Rohirrim to their position.  
  
The riders approached them, and the personship was forced to stand. Nuavar raised her eyebrow and gave a lopsided grin to Arwen who stuck out her tongue in response. Eomer turned to the ladies and inclined his head. The personship and the Rohirrim talked of the goings in Rohan, and later that day, the personship adjusted their course to take them to the home of the King.  
  
A/N: well well well. Interesting no? I got tired towards the end, so it was sort of rushed; just insert the convo they had in the books. Lol. R+R!!!!!! lubs u all!!!!! 


	22. I have no idea what's going on anymore

A/N: OMG it took us so LONG to get another stupid chapter up! AIYEE!!! O well, here's the next one, and Aurumlupi, you win our flamer of the YEAR award! We had a few good laughs from those reviews, and for that we salute you!  
  
******** Chapter 22- I have no idea what's going on anymore ********  
  
"Oooo, look! Big buildings in the middle of nowhere!" Nuavar squealed as the small portion of the personship approached the palace-y building of Rohan. Everyone had a horse to themselves, except for Gimli and Legolas, who were sharing again. Aragorn was riding ahead with Éomer, leaving the two elven maidens feeling very left out, so they simultaneously decided that they would annoy the two stuck-up men as much as possible. They rode up to the front of the convoy.  
  
"Hey, you two, what's going on?" Arwen asked casually, batting her eyelashes at Aragorn, who blinked.  
  
"Men talk," Éomer grunted curtly. Nuavar's mouth dropped open.  
  
"Excuse me?!? Do you KNOW who I am?" she exclaimed. Arwen noticed her friend reaching for a hidden blade and decided to step in.  
  
"Of course he does, Nuavariel," she said calmly, "Éomer, this is Nuavar, your betrothed future wife." The satisfaction to be had from the look on Eomer's face was priceless. As was the one on Nuavar's.  
  
"Arwen, what are you DOING?" she hissed. Arwen tossed the taller elf a look that said, 'shut up and let me do the talking.'  
  
"It is customary where we come from that the brides stay at their future husband's sides at all times until the marriage," Arwen continued with a huge inner grin.  
  
"What about you? Who is your betrothed?" Éomer asked Arwen, who hesitated for a moment before answering.  
  
"Why, Aragorn is. I thought you knew?" she asked sweetly. Nuavar choked on her laughter when she saw Aragorn's eyes bulge.  
  
"No...I can't say I knew that piece of information," Éomer said slowly. The men were helpless as the women maneuvered their horses in between them. For the rest of the ride to the main palace hall thingie of Rohan, Éomer and Aragorn were extremely uncomfortable, shooting each other looks as everyone was confused about Arwen's sudden story.  
  
********  
  
"Wow, we're finally in Rohan!" Nuavar blew out her breath as their horses were taken away by stable hands. Eomer gallantly tried to escape the women, with Aragorn hot on his tail, but the two human teenagers/Elven ladies were sneaky. Nuavar entwined her pale arm with Éomer's muscled, tanned one, and Arwen copied her gesture with Aragorn. The ranger rolled his eyes, because by now he had caught on to the women's scheme to get back at Éomer for the 'men talk' comment.  
  
"My fair beautiful betrothed," he began, his voice dripping with sweetness, "how fares thee on this tiring day of traveling?" Erica blinked and her jaw dropped open before she shed her teenager self and became well and truly Arweniel.  
  
"I am so tired, my dear Aragorn, I fear I might swoon!" Aragorn frowned; he'd no doubt thought to have a bit of fun with her, but this was quickly becoming a test between actors of equal ability.  
  
Meanwhile, Éomer was shooting helpless glances at anyone who would see: Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and even passers-by on the street as he was led inexorably after Aragorn and Arweniel, up the stairs and into his father's palace-like building.  
  
"Éomer, that is a handsome name," Nuavar was preening, "do you make love as well as you ride?"  
  
Éomer's eyes bulged out of their sockets, and Erica, who'd overheard, collapsed on the ground, shrieking with laughter. It seemed their façade was over when Éowyn appeared in front of them, hands on hips.  
  
"What is going on out here? Éomer, get your...guests inside quickly. Father awaits your presence!" she spun and stalked off into the building, her blond hair billowing out behind her.  
  
"Who was that?" Aragorn asked, more than a little awe and admiration in his tone. Arwen slapped him lightly, to bring him back to the present.  
  
"That was Éowyn, daughter of King Theoden. Éomer's sister. Duh."  
  
"How do you know?" the Ranger asked, eyeing her suspiciously. Arwen paled, and stammered out an answer.  
  
"I...uhh, well, you see...I studied with the Rohirrim a few years ago. I know about Theoden's children," was the lame lie she came up with. Nuavar was too busy chuckling with Legolas and Gimli to realize the trouble they were in. Éomer, on the other hand, was curious.  
  
"Oh? Then my father should be glad to see you again. Valar knows, he needs something to lift his spirits. He has been acting strange lately, so much so that I don't even know whether or not he will realize my presence here, after I've bee banished."  
  
"I-I don't...really think he'll remember me, or Nuavar," Arwen said quickly. "As a matter of fact, I only saw him once, from a distance."  
  
"Oh." Éomer's face fell. "Very well, then." He brightened again. "You must stay for dinner, though." When Nuavar seemed to be considering the offer, Legolas-with a punch in the ribs-stepped up beside her.  
  
"We would be glad to accept your offer, Éomer," he said with a sickly sweet smile, entwining his arm with Nuavar's. The elf, who was really a smitten teenager with a Matt Complex (she liked him and hated him at the same time), looked from the arm to the extremely good-looking elf in amazement, then gulped and grinned like a stupid person.  
  
"Yes," she said dreamily, "we would love to come." Erica noticed how she emphasized the 'we', and smiled to herself as she kept a tight hold on Aragorn's arm. The ruggedly good-looking man for her, the hot blonde elf for her friend. This was working out great! She only paused for a moment to wonder how the others were doing.  
  
'Uh oh!' she thought with a start. 'We should be hurrying to rescue Kristen, Pam, and the hobbits from the orcs!'  
  
Then, with merely a moment's hesitation-dinner with Aragorn or an exhausting trek through the countryside?-she completely forgot about their original mission.  
  
********  
  
A/N: There we go. Hope you liked, and for more information on a Matt Complex, contact morgaine, who has had two. *smiles evilly at co-author* 


	23. Totally boring Ents and JACKIE IN YOUR D...

A/N: Ai caramba! Sorry, I know the last chapter might be kinda weird...cuz I hadn't seen the movie in forever, and yes, I am now aware that Éomer was indeed banished from Rohan, so it makes absolutely no sense that he would escort the personship BACK...but just deal with it. Here's chapter 23!

*

            Kristen heaved a huge, bored sigh. Ents were so totally _boring_. First of all, Treebeard had carried her, Pam, and the hobbits to some weird thing called an Entmoot, where they'd been told to wait. Then the Ents—which were really freaky, but also cool...however Kristen decided not to offend them by asking of their brains were made of wood—started making earthquake sounds, which Merry and Pippin said must have been them talking in Old Entish...

            "Pam," Kristen complained, "I am so totally bored!" Pam rolled her eyes.

            "Yeah, I know. And Ents are totally boring too, and so am I, but the hobbits aren't; they're just cute. We've heard it all a hundred times before."

            "Why are we waiting here?" Kristen asked, completely ignoring Pam's sarcastic—but true—comment. Just then Merry and Pippin walked in, each holding a large cup of some weird Ent drink, and Pippin answered her question.

            "It's because we're trying to get the Ents to join the war against Sauron, Kristen," he explained patiently. "If they decide, then we'll go with them and attack Saruman at Isengard."

            Merry muttered something under his breath, which Pam's leprechaun ears heard as, "If they ever get past greeting each other first." She sighed. It would take a while for anything to happen, and there was no logical way to get away from Kristen—without hurting her feelings—except to go to sleep.

            She was tired, too.

            So Pam settled herself down to sleep, nestled in a fold of the earth, by the huge trunk of one of the ageless trees of Fangorn Forest. Soon after she dozed off, Merry and Pippin followed her lead, and Kristen was left alone.

            "You people are so rude!" she exclaimed to their sleeping forms, before heaving a dramatic sigh and taking about ten minutes to get comfortable. She was soon fast asleep, too. Going crazy after your fiancé—Boromir—dies, and then getting taken captive by orcs and escaping only to get totally bored waiting for Ents to make a decision can make a girl tired!

~*~_Kristen's Dream_~*~

            _She stood in a small clearing, in what looked like a huge forest. It was a different forest than the one they were in now, though. Fangorn was freaky and dark and scary...and boring. This one seemed to glow with a soft, muted light coming from all directions. The trees were slender and graceful, stretching up to the sky._

_            "Pretty," she said._

_            "Pretty!?" an indignant voice caused Kristen to spin around. "This is my realm, HELLO!! It's not just 'pretty'. It's beautiful, captivating, magical..." Galadriel, who was in reality a high-school girl called Jackie, stood glaring at Kristen with her hands on her hips._

_            "JACKIE!" Kristen shrieked. They hugged tightly, and that was when Kristen realized that she was wearing clothing like Jackie's, a beautiful gown that befitted the Lady of Lorien. "How are you in my dream? And why are we in Lothlorien again?"_

_            Jackie sighed. "Honestly, Kristen, don't you have anything figured out?"_

_            "Well...only that when Matt and Jamie blew up the school, that's when everyone in our class started poofing into middle-earth as humans, elves, and leprechauns. Other than that, nope." Kristen waited expectantly for Jackie's explanation._

_            "Alright. I'm really Jackie, but I look like Galadriel, and everyone in middle-earth—except the ones from our world—thinks I'm Galadriel. Which works out nice...they have the best bubble baths in Lothlorien!"_

_            "Continuing on..."_

_            "Yes. Ahem. Continuing on. I have been brought into this world as an elf, with all of Galadriel's powers. I've been experimenting, and besides being able to prophesize stuff and talk into people's heads, I can also visit their dreams!! Isn't that AWESOME!?"_

_            "TOTALLY!"_

_            "So I'm gonna visit you and Erica and Morgan...I guess I should pop in to Pam and Jordan and Steph's heads too...I REALLY don't wanna go near the guys..."_

_            "Well said." Kristen shuddered._

_            "So I'll be like a person who knows everything, and I'll be able to tell you what's going on with everyone else, and I'll tell them what's going on with you...OH MY GOD I CAN SPY ON ARAGORN AND LEGOLAS' DREAMS!!!"_

_            Kristen blinked. "Say what?" Jackie was jumping up and down in excitement, a very unladylike action, especially for the Lady of the Wood._

_            "You know...Erica and Morgan...or their identities, Arweniel and Nuavariel, are in love with Aragorn and Legolas...and they hate them at the same time...whatever, I can spy on the guys' dreams and tell them what's going on! Isn't that the coolest!!"_

_            "Uhh...what if their dreams are like...R-rated?"_

_            Jackie paled. "EEEWWW!! Kristen! That is so totally gross!!" Then she grinned. "But I'm still gonna spy on them anyway! So umm...I gotta go now, and visit the other dudes and do some spying, but I'll come and talk to ya again later!"_

_            "Okay! Bye telug love ya as a friend and all that!"_

_            "Same to you!"_

_            Jackie poofed out of Kristen's dream._

_~*~End of Kristen's Dream (obviously)~*~_

A/N: That is also, coincidentally, the end of the chapter. So I hope ppl will review and like it or flame it, whatever! In the next chapter: a dream meeting with Jackie, Arwen, and Nuavar, and some SNEAKY SPYING!!! See ya then!


	24. Dinner in Rohan and MANY, MANY dreams!

A/N: I'm on a roll now! Here's another kinda dream-filled chapter!!

*

            Dinner had been...strange, to say the least. Around the table sat Theoden King, newly awakened from being controlled by Saruman. Gandalf the White had done it and had also banished Grima Wyrmtongue, and so was also joining them for dinner.

            Gandalf and Theoden spent the whole evening talking of politics and issues of Rohan, while Éowyn sat at her father's left side, Éomer at his right. She kept shooting evil glares at Arwen, who sat beside Aragorn. Nuavar sat between Éomer and Legolas, alternating her time between flirting with the elf and insulting the man. Gimli sat on Aragorn's other side and across from Legolas, and watched the strange conversations going on all around him, smirking and laughing outright at a few of Erica and Morgan's antics.

            Finally, though, the evening wore down. Gandalf and Theoden retired to the King's private study with a promise to the personship to discuss the ravaging Uruk-hai in Rohan the next morning. Éowyn left with a curt goodnight, shooting one final death-glare at Arwen and managing to somehow get her filthy hand on Aragorn's cheek before Arwen barely restrained herself from bitch-slapping her and instead kicked her lightly to make her get away from her man.

            Gimli and Éomer left soon after, leaving the happy—or not so happy?—couples in the large dining hall.

            "We must get some sleep too," Legolas said finally. "Tomorrow will be a busy day, if we are to decide on a course of action against the Uruk-hai." Aragorn agreed; both personship members kissed their sweethearts lightly on the cheek before heading off to the mens' quarters.

            Nuavar sighed at Legolas' retreating back. "He's so hot."

            Arwen sighed at Aragorn's retreating back. "He's so hot. Especially when he's fighting evil dudes."

            "Anyway," Nuavar said, "back to serious things. Orcs are ravaging Rohan, which means that Aragorn will get the king to decide to go to Helm's Deep soon, which means the battle is soon, which means Gandalf is going to leave tomorrow most likely, which means...TARA!!"

            They'd both totally forgotten about Tarabrethilwen, known to them as Steph. Of course, if Gandalf came back, so had she, and now she'd walked in on them in the middle of Nuavar's very run-on sentence.

            "Hi you guys! Guess what, I'm Tara the Green now! It means I finally became a wizard...actually since I'm a girl I guess you could call me wizardess or whatever. I got to choose my own color, isn't that awesome!?"

            Nuavar and Arwen could tell that Steph had chosen green. She was dressed in the color from her forest green soft leather boots, to her calfskin green breeches, to her green tunic and magnificent sweeping cloak. She even carried a plain staff, which was, a bit unsurprisingly, green.

            "You'll be invisible in a forest, I'll tell ya that," Erica managed. Morgan smiled.

            "Green," she said weakly. Steph put a hand on her hip and rolled her eyes.

            "I don't wear this all the time, dudes, it's just like my formal wear, so people will know that I'm a Green."

            "Oh. All right." The elves said in unison.

            Steph told her friends all about how she and Gandalf had taken down the balrog, inserting a few stories of her own heroism besides, and then demanded to know everything that had happened to them since she dived in after her teacher in the Mines of Moria.

            It took them a good while of talking, but soon they'd all run out of stories, and Steph wisely suggested that they should head to bed. Which they did. After stealing some very yummy bread from the King's kitchens.

_~*~Arwen and Nuavar's Dream~*~_

_            "Huh?" Morgan and Erica were standing in the same clearing in Lothlorien as Kristen, wearing similar types of clothing. They exchanged glances and shrugged, just before Jackie appeared in all the glory of Lorien's Lady. That is, she popped into the dream._

_            "Jackie!?"_

_            "It's me!" she exclaimed happily. Seeing as Erica and Morgan were soooo confused, she explained the same thing as she had to Kristen, and cleared up any remaining confusion. Then she told them about spying._

_            "Guess what, you guys!? WE CAN SPY ON THE GUYS' DREAMS!!"_

_            There was a silence as crickets chirped. "Why would anyone wanna do that?" Morgan demanded._

_            "Yeah...who KNOWS what Matt and Jamie think about," Erica added with a shudder._

_            Jackie blinked in surprise, then understood that by 'guys' they thought she meant the guys from their class!!_

_            "OHMYGOD EWWW no way would I ever do that!!" she exclaimed. "By GUYS, I meant Aragorn and Legolas!"_

_            Two mouths dropped open in comprehension._

_            "Ohhh...."_

_            "So? What do you think!?"_

_            Erica and Morgan exchanged glances again, uncertain this time. "Do you really think that's...like...moral?" Erica asked hesitantly. Jackie blew out a breath in exasperation._

_            "Of COURSE it is! Do you know how many times they've tried—and sometimes succeeded—in listening in on your conversations about them!?"_

_            Morgan blew up. Figuratively, of course._

_            "WHAT!?!? THAT BASTARD HERBAL ESSENCES CAT BOY AND STRIDER-RANGER-KING HAVE BEEN EAVESDROPPING ON US!?!?!? WHERE ARE THEY?? I'M GONNA BREAK THEIR SCRAWNY SPYING NECKS!!!"_

_            Jackie and Erica slowly backed away, waiting for her to run out of steam. It took about five minutes of her ranting and raving before she finally stopped, took a deep breath, let it out in a massive sigh, and turned to face her friends._

_            "When do we start?"_

_            Jackie explained that first she had to leave and see if they were, indeed, dreaming. So she waved goodbye and popped out of the dream._

_            "Are you still sure we should be doing this?" Erica asked Morgan._

_            "Of course! Can you deny that you're at least a wee bit curious?"_

_            "But...what if the dreams are like...ewww, I can't even say it!!"_

_            Morgan stopped to think for a moment. Then she smiled evilly. "If that's the case, then we'll break their scrawny spying necks. Okay?"_

_            "Sounds like a plan."_

_            It took Jackie a few minutes to just quickly check that te guys were dreaming, then she appeared before Erica and Morgan again._

_            "Alright, you guys. Ready to go?" Jackie draped her arms over her friends shoulders and immediately, they *popped* out of their dream and into another one._

_~*~End of Arwen and Nuavar's Dream~*~_

_~*~Aragorn's Dream~*~_

_            Jackie, Morgan, and Erica appeared suddenly in a beautiful courtyard, surrounded by amazing gardens. The sun was bright overheard, and flowers bloomed colorfully, trees casting shady areas. Underneath a few of the tallest and widest trees were ornately carved wooden benches._

_            "Where are we?" Morgan whispered._

_            "Aragorn's dream," came the equally quiet and excited voice of Jackie. "I'm pretty sure it's the royal gardens of what should be his palace in Gondor. Stay quiet, and whatever you do, DON'T let him see you, because he'll think it's just a dream…but whatever happens to you in the dream happens for real, at least for us."_

_            The warning was well heard, but before anyone could ask questions, Aragorn appeared. He was dressed in fine, expensive-looking clothes and wore a thin golden circlet on his brow._

_            "I don't understand," Morgan muttered, "he obviously likes the idea of being a king, in his dreams at least…so why does he seem to hate it so in real life?"_

_            Erica's face had brightened in happiness as she undoubtedly saw something that Morgan didn't. "Because he wants to impress me," she said softly._

_            Morgan looked back to Aragorn—and barely suppressed a gasp of shock. There, walking beside the man, holding his hand, was an exact likeness of the woman he knew as Arweniel!_

_            As Aragorn was dressed in a King's attire, so was Arwen dressed like a Queen. Her flowing golden down was glowing beautifully as the sun's rays touched it, making her seem a dazzling, ethereal being. A necklace hung around her neck with a huge emerald on it, a sight that made Erica's eyes bulge, and an identical golden circlet sat upon her head. Arwen's dark brown hair hung over her shoulders in smooth, straight locks._

_            "Wow," Jackie managed to say. "I don't think Celeborn dreams about ME that way." Morgan giggled._

_            "Erica, this is awesome! It means he really does love you! See, he's the King and you're the Queen, and then, in a few years, you'll be surrounded by mini-Aragorns and mini-Ericas!" She started to laugh hysterically, and Erica gave her friend a death-glare that shut her up quick. The three girls watched as the dream-couple sat down on a shady bench. They crept close enough to hear what was going on, and got comfortable in the bushes._

_            "I love this garden," Arwen sighed, "especially as a way to get away from all the troubles of Gondor."_

_            "There are not so many troubles as you might think, beloved. It's just that you don't like the way Lady Eowyn looks at me," Aragorn said with a chuckle. Arwen sitffened indignantly._

_            "And so I shouldn't! She is married, to the Steward of Gondor, and yet she still finds every opportunity to flutter her eyelashes at her King as much as at her husband!"_

_            "Oh, come Arwen, you know that I love no one near as much as you," Aragorn chastised softly. He lifted her hands to her lips and kissed one, then the other, tenderly. Morgan and Jackie grimaced and turned away as their lips met and a secret royal makeout session occurred._

_            When they pulled apart, and Aragorn began reciting poetry—POETRY!—to Arwen, Jackie had finally had enough. She muttered furiously about "crazy romantic idealistic men" and wasted no time in popping Erica and Morgan out of Aragorn's dream._

_~*~End of Aragorn's Dream~*~_

_~*~Legolas' Dream~*~_

_            The three girls—elves—were now in the dark shadows around a small fire. They squinted as their eyes adjusted to the light, and they saw dream-Legolas sitting beside dream-Morgan. He had a weird harp kinda thing in his hands and was playing some chords softly._

_            "It's so beautiful tonight," dream-Morgan sighed happily. Legolas smiled at her and began playing a slow tune. Dream-Morgan and the three intruders watched, entranced, as Legolas serenaded dream-Morgan with an elf-ballad, of the love between two entwined souls and all sorts of other sappy poetic junk._

_            Dream-Morgan was staring deep into Legolas' eyes, and when the song ended, and the music faded away, an elf-makeout session occurred, much to Jackie's disgust. Two in one night! And she'd thought she was doing this to help out her friends._

_            Soon it became too much for her and she pulled Erica and a stupidly grinning Morgan out of the dream, back into her realm in Lothlorien._

_~*~End of Legolas' Dream~*~_

_~*~Arwen and Nuavar's Dream~*~_

_            "So?" Jackie demanded. "Was it to your liking? Personally that was totally sickening, having to watch the two of you make out with Acorn and Leggy in a dream! This spying thing is NEVER going to happen again!"_

_            Morgan and Erica exchanged somewhat disappointed glances._

_            "I guess it's for the best," Morgan said._

_            "It damn well is!" Jackie exclaimed. "I'll see you guys a few nights from now. Toodles!" And with that, she popped away, leaving Erica and Morgan to their own dreamless sleep._

_~*~End of all these crazy dreams~*~_

When Arwen and Nuavar woke up the next morning, they had _much_ to talk about.

*

A/N: See? Lotsa dreams!


	25. Domestic Females or Vengeful Harpies of ...

A/N: After another immensely long period of time, I have another update to present! In light of the third movie coming out, we will be slipping completely into movie-verse, so there we go. However, as we're still in the second part of the trilogy, there won't be any spoilers yet.

A/N2: [Frodo and Sam's plotline update] Umm…as you all know what's going on with Frodo and Sam, I've decided in my authorly wisdom to simply take out this plotline until near the end of the third part of the trilogy. That will make the rest of the story a LOT easier to understand, and, frankly, it's a very depressing plotline…this is a humorfic! No bad stuff!

*

            The next morning, Tara bounded into Arweniel and Nuavariel's room to join in their major-gossip-fest. She revealed that she, too, had been visited by Jackie the night before, but hadn't spied on any dreams.

            Morgan was gushing, "—and the first verse of the ballad was like—" when all three of them realized that Gimli had entered a long time ago and was standing on the threshold to the room, frozen in shock as he listened to what they were saying. His eyes widened when he was seen, and he instantly stammered,

            "Uh…erm, I was s-sent to in-invite you to…to the council of war!" He then turned and was ready to scamper out of the room as fast as his dwarf-legs could go. But he underestimated three teenage girls, whose deepest secrets, not to be known to any man, were in danger of being known.

            They surrounded him before he even took one step, Nuavar grabbing the front of his tunic and lifting him clear off the ground, Arwen with a small blade out and pointing at his neck, and Tara blocking his way out with her staff crossed firmly across the door.

            "I…ladies, please!" he exclaimed gruffly. "Have you all gone mad?" Nuavar glared at him fiercely, and he gulped.

            "How much did you hear?" Arweniel hissed, letting the dwarf feel the cold steel of her blade.

            "…All of it?" Gimli wasn't lacking in courage; he managed to muster a grin in the face of the three harpy-like elves. "So, Aragorn composes _poetry_ for you? Wait till I tell Legolas…!"

            Arwen's blade pressed more firmly against his throat. "You will tell no one of this, do you understand, _dwarf_?"

            "We will render you unable of procreation, I swear by my bow and my heart," Nuavar added, with a very frightening gleam in her eye.

            At that announcement, Gimli quivered noticeably. He gave a shaky nod, which seemed to suffice. Nuavar set him down on the ground and Arwen sheathed the blade in her leather boot. Tara stepped away from the door, but couldn't hide her smirk.

            "Now, let's get going to this council of war," she suggested. Gimli led the way, occasionally shooting shocked glances mingled with newfound respect over his shoulder at the girls.

*

            Entering the room, Tara saw Théoden sitting on his throne, her teacher Gandalf at his side. Seeing his significant glance in her direction, she waved to the other girls and went to stand beside him.

            Only Éowyn and two young children occupied the long tables filling the hall of the King. Éomer had left the night before on some mission, along with his own two thousand men, leaving the armies of Rohan somewhat lessened. Aragorn and Legolas stood close to each other, Aragorn absentmindedly biting a pipe and Legolas staring off into the distance. Gimli grunted at Erica and Morgan and went to sit at his own table, pulling out a pipe at the same time.

            "Well, we're here!" Nuavar declared in a falsely cheerful voice. She grimaced at the dull mood that had settled over everyone like a mist.

            "They had no warning," Éowyn declared to her uncle, rising from where the children ate hungrily. "They were unarmed. Now the wildmen are sweeping through the westfold, burning as they go. Will you do nothing, Uncle?"

            "Call for help," Aragorn insisted with the air of one who has said this many times before. "Éomer will return; he will come to your aid."

            Théoden shot a sharp glance at Aragorn. "Last I checked, _Théoden_, not Aragorn, was King of Rohan. Éomer is too far. He will not return in time. We must retreat, and make a stand—"

            "—at Helm's Deep?" Arweniel inquired innocently.

            Théoden's voice became a furious thunder, "_LAST I CHECKED, _THÉODEN, _NOT _ANYONE ELSE_, WAS KING OF ROHAN!!_"

            Erica blinked under this onslaught. She held up her hands in a gesture of surrender, and moved closer to Aragorn for possible protection.

            "Okay, okay, sorry dude," she placated him. Aragorn arched an eyebrow and looked at her.

            "Dude?" he asked curiously. She shook her head, motioning for him to forget it.

*

            It really wasn't much of a council of war, because Théoden quickly dismissed them to order one of his men to tell the city of the plans. Aragorn told the girls to get some clothes and provisions packed quickly, because they would be leaving soon. Then he, Legolas, and Gimli hurried off after Gandalf.

            Erica turned to Morgan and Steph.

            "Did he just tell us what I think he told us?" she asked slowly and deliberately.

            "I think he just delegated to us the typically womanly task…THE SEXIST FREAK!" Morgan exclaimed. Tara gripped her staff tightly.

            "Alright, girls, let's show that arrogant little—well, actually, he's quite big—prick!"

            And they set to planning their revenge with a will.

*

            Aragorn had his fateful discussion with Gandalf about holding the defences for three days, and asked some stable hands to get ready enough horses for all of them. Then, the three adventurers went to check on the girls' progress.

            "Ready, Nuavar?" Legolas asked breezily as Nuavar, Arwen, and Tara, all bent beneath the weight of various bags and bundles, approached them. He didn't seem to notice her ferocious glare, but graciously offered to help her and took two bundles and a bulging bag—leaving her with an almost equal amount.

            Aragorn did the same for Arweniel, but Gimli—perhaps remembering the morning's encounter—took Tara's entire load.

            "Now let us go, the rest of the town is likely already moving out; some stable hands are getting our horses ready." Aragorn led the way back to the stables, completely missing the conspiratorial winks that passed between the three elves.

            As the man, elf, and dwarf were getting the horses from their stables, where they were already saddled and bridled, one of the stable hands approached Nuavar.

            "We have done your bidding, my Lady, strange though it may be," he said in a low voice. Nuavar smiled winningly at him and clasped him on the shoulder.

            "You have done well and honoured the men of Rohan in this, young Rider. Be sure that you will always be welcomed among the Elves of Middle-earth for this."

            The boy's eyes widened and shone with awe as he received a blessing in Sindarin, spoken first by Nuavar, then her two friends in turn. Finally, she kissed him gently on the forehead and whispered a farewell.

            "Uhh…don't you think that was a _bit_ overdone?" Tara asked.

            "Why not? If he sabotaged the guys' stuff like we asked him to, he _should_ be honoured." Nuavar grinned carelessly. "Now all we have to do is wait for their reactions."

            Just then Éowyn walked into the stables to get her own horse, and, seeing the girls, smiled brightly and approached them.

            "I do hope you enjoy my stew, it's famous in Edoras, you know. Let me know if you would like some more!" she said loudly. Then she took her horse and left, but not without managing to bat her eyes a few times at Aragorn, who merely seemed confused about the stew comment.

            "What does she mean about her stew?" Gimli asked, when she'd gone. Tara smiled placatingly.

            "Don't you fret, Master dwarf, the females have got all your domestic needs under control."

            "Ah." He turned back to Legolas, who was already preparing to mount the horse they shared, without seeing the menacing glitter in Tara's eyes as she said 'domestic needs'.

*

            A few minutes later, Aragorn and the girls were all mounted on their own horses, Tara having opted to go with them rather than stay with Gandalf. Legolas and Gimli were again sharing a horse, and after Gimli finally got mounted—with the help of the stable hand from earlier—they were ready to leave and join the steady stream of refugees leaving the city of Edoras.

*

A/N: That's all for now, folks! See ya next time…


End file.
